Our Master Plan

Due to popular demand, I'll share our Get A Baby Plan 3.0.  You know, 1.0 was just get pregnant like everyone else.  2.0 was do a little Clomid. 2.5 was see the fertility gurus for a lot of Clomid. So, without further ado, 

Get A Baby Plan 3.0!

We're stopping everything for six months.  I know, a crazy way to get pregnant, you might think. We know that it's either going to take IUI or adoption for us to have children, so we individually took a week or so to think through our options, do some research, talk to the doctor, etc.  Brian said he continually came back to the feeling that we need six months off and then we'll be successful at something.  Since he kept coming back to this same conclusion, we decided to listen.  If God points you in a certain direction, the best plan is to listen to Him.  So, six months off.  No Clomid, only loosely monitoring anything, and just enjoying our Summer and Fall.  If I get pregnant, it's God's Will and rock on with it.  This gives us a chance to heal emotionally, rest me physically, and maybe even drop some of this big ol' butt.  Hopefully.  Gaining 25 pounds on Clomid sucked, in case I haven't mentioned it.  

After six months, we'll try six rounds of IUI.  Ideally, of course, we'll try far fewer and be successful.  If after six trys I'm not pregnant, then we're going straight to adoption.  We know that we want to adopt at some point.  Whether that's for all our children or for children in addition to a biological child remains to be seen.  First we'll try the IUI so we can have exhausted our options and can move on with no question.  

Don't think we'll be spending six months lounging on the beach and drinking mai tais, though. Nope.  Remember my post about preparing for rain?  That's what we'll be doing.  We've been so intent on asking the Lord to give us a child, but not so intent on preparing for that child. Sure, I've done a lot of reading and planning about home birth, cloth diapering, homemade baby foods, chemical-free living, homeschooling, and raising children to serve the Lord, but that's not preparing for the flesh and blood little person that we're asking for, is it?  Our eventual nursery currently houses a twin bed, full-length mirror, spare Pack n Plays for the daycare, all our yard sale accumulations, our china, a drying rack for clothes, and the second litter box.  That's not counting the closet!  Not exactly a nursery.  So, over the next six months, we'll be rearranging a few things in other rooms to accommodate the furniture and "stuff", and I'll purge most of it out of our house.  We'll return the bed to Mama and Daddy, since it's theirs, and start planning for baby furniture.  We've been buying things here and there that we know we want our kids to have, so that stuff will go into the room.  We're not painting or hanging window treatments, but we're getting ready. You know, preparing for rain.  In addition, I'll be low-carbing it, since that is a good way for women with PCOS to drop weight which leads to higher pregnancy rates.  It's worked for me before, and as important as grains are for a healthy lifestyle, it's only a temporary thing for me to do.  Bring on the steak!

The most important things we'll be doing will be gathering information for adoption, and saving money.  We'll be choosing an agency, and maybe doing agency interviews.  We'll be getting our home ready for a home study, too.  Since we'll be saving $135 each month by not going to the gurus, we'll put that aside to save.  And start cutting back dramatically in every area so as to start making a dent in the expense of IUI and/or adoption.  This six months is for preparing and planning, and that includes financial preparations.  So we won't be going many places, doing many things, or eating out much at all.  We're going frugal, ya'll.  After six months we should be able to afford six months of IUI and be better prepared financially for adoption.  

So, that's it.  I know, it's pretty simple and logical.  We have a great peace with the plan and believe that we're following God's will.  At this rate, we're looking at Baby 2010! Thoughts and prayers, and even advice are greatly appreciated. Have a great day!

Thoughts on links:  if you're here because you're dealing with infertility, some of those links might be helpful to you.  I link to things to better explain myself, not because it's the end all and be all of the information I've found.  Like the china link....it's our pattern, but not our registry. If you see a link about something you're interested in, follow it and be informed.  If you need an explanation or a link and I didn't make one, please feel free to comment or e-mail me for further information.  A handful of folks comment on my blog, and I appreciate each one.  But I see a lot of other people are here via Google Analytics, and I see the keywords that lead you here.  So know that I love you, Dear Lurker! Those links are for you!  Later, taters.

Decisions, Decisions

Today was my ovary check appointment with the Fertility Gurus. I only have two kids in care on Mondays, and one of those is on vacation this week.  The other one leaves at 12:45, so as of then I was off work! Brian worked last night from 3 AM until 1 PM today (!!!!), so he was able to go with me to Charlottesville.  I love when we can go together to these appointments; I dearly love spending time with Brian, and the two hour round trip is a good chance just to catch up and talk about our day.  And while I know that it helps the parents of children I provide day care for to have Brian watch the children when I have to leave for appointments, having him there for moral support is wonderful; it seems more like a "team effort" when we're both there.  So around 1:45 we headed off for Charlottesville.

One of the reasons we both wanted to go to this appointment was to discuss IUI further with the doctor.  We haven't committed to it before this because we were determined to continue to try for a few more months before turning to more invasive procedures. But we're numbers-people, and need to know a lot of facts before we commit to anything.  

So many things have stood in our way to getting pregnant, and it seems like as soon as we conquer one problem another one springs up.  We can't help but wonder if God isn't putting these obstacles there to force us back to his timeline.  No matter what we think, God knows when we'll have children, and how.  We can do everything we want to push things along, but until He's ready for us to be parents, we won't be.  That has become very, very obvious to us in the past few months, and we've discovered that banging your head against a wall gives you a headache.  

So, we've come to the realization lately that we have approached a crossroads in our fertility trials.  Basically, commit to IUI and put all our resources into that for now, or commit to adoption and be finished with all fertility treatments.  The two are not compatible, so we have a choice to make.  Unfortunately, there is so much to think about for both cases.  Today we wanted to get some numbers from the Gurus about success rates for IUI.  

We met with Dr. Bateman today (not our regular Guru, but he's growing on us).  We let him know what we're thinking, and that we're very interested in IUI.  From our research, we've learned that the national average success rate is between 4-23%, depending on the clinic. That's a huge span, isn't it?!  The Guru said their current success rate is 10%, and that there sometimes seems to be an unexplained cumulative effect; your success rate goes up after three or four consecutive inseminations.  With that cumulative tendency in affect, we'd be looking at maybe a 30% success rate.  Not guaranteed, of course, and there's no promise that I'll have that cumulative effect, but we're looking at somewhere between 10-30%.  

In addition, we figured up the cost.  Which, not including lost income, would be $504 per month.  We're figuring we'd need to commit to a minimum of 5 months to get that cumulative effect and let it work for us, which brings us to just over $2500.  Strangely, we don't have that lying around.  In order to afford that, we'll take the next few months "off" -- no Clomid, no inseminations, no appointments.  Just going back to being normal people with normal lives.  That'll save us about $130 monthly, but that won't touch our IUI Total.  So, we'd be scraping all the time -- don't look for us to go anywhere or do anything.  We'll be saving.  

Of course, in increasing our chances of getting pregnant (30%!) we also have to seriously look at my miscarriage risk.  Dr. Guru put it at about 20%, up 5% from the national average for "normal" people (you know, people without PCOS, infertility, or a big butt).  Currently, losing a baby in utero or from prematurity is my Absolute Biggest Fear That Keeps Me Awake At Night.

Down the other road (that diverges in a wood?) is adoption.  We're currently looking into domestic adoption of a non-white or mixed race child.  There is a huge surplus of non-white children to be adopted because white families are wanting to adopt lily-white children that will look just like them.  We do not have this need.  Not knocking you if you choose to adopt yourself some white babies.  But I don't mind if all my kids are of different races, if they look like me, or not.  Sure, knowing what our genetic make-up would look like would be cool.  Having a baby sleeping in the crib by the bed would be faaaaar cooler, thanks.  If that kid is not white, I'm not really going to be bothered.  Want a baby now, thanks.  IUI wouldn't mean that we don't adopt if it doesn't work, just that we'd be putting on the far-back burner until we were done with treatments.

The drawback for adoption?  It's E X P E N S I V E, ya'll.  Like new-car-expensive.  Like new-cars-for-both-of-us, fully-loaded-expensive.  See above about not going anywhere, doing anything, skrimping and saving.  Woot.  And the wait could be months or years.  Based on the need for people to adopt non-white kiddos, probably shorter.  But still, it's not immediate.   Much like making one yourself, you know?  And did I mention it costs a lot?  Yep.

So, we're taking a while to examine our options, regroup, huddle and discuss our next down, and decide which path to take.  We'll be praying for wisdom and guidance, as well as acceptance of God's will.  We'd be most appreciative if you'd do the same for us.  I'm not sure when we'll have a decision, but you'll know where we're going when we do.  

Thank God.....It's Friday!

Is it just me, or was this a fast week?  It certainly was a busy one around here, but seemed to fly by.  Which is nice sometimes.  As we reach the end of the week, it's time for

Thank God....It's Friday!

Here's our prayer list for today, our praises for the past week, and updates.  Please feel free to leave your own prayer requests or praises in the comments -- it was really nice last week to have comments from a few folks and I hope that everyone included them in your prayers.  According to Google Analytics, there are more of you popping by here daily than are commenting, so theoretically I'm not talking to myself....

Praises

My daddy turns 65 this Sunday.  That's a huge praise for our family, as we're pretty darn partial to him!  With all the health issues that have been going on with both sides of my family, we're especially aware that having Daddy healthy is a great blessing, and that we could very easily be in the same situation as some of my cousins.  Thank God for Daddy, and for giving him many more years to be terrorized entertained by us!

Uncle Billy is home from the hospital.  This is pretty good news, but kind of double-sided.  He was diagnosed Friday with sepsis, and apparently contracted this blood infection from the blood transfusions he received.  There is speculation that he was sent home to avoid catching more horrid things in the hospital.  His pancreatitis is not healed, nor are his blood clots and gimpy knee.  But he's still kicking, which was not looking terribly likely there for a while.  I know he's thankful to be back home, even if it's temporary.

Stellan was discharged from the hospital and is home with his Mcksibblings.  From what I'm reading, it seems that his heart rate is being nicely maintained with drugs now.  

We're giving praise because our stupid car key was recovered!  It's truly the little things that count, right?  

Requests

Please continue to pray for Kayleigh's family, and for Kayleigh herself.  Her parents are hoping to take her home for how ever long they are able, so she needs to be healthy enough to go home. Of course, improvement in her brain activity would be great, too!**EDITED to add...Things are especially grim for the Freemans right now.  Kayliegh's brain is swelling and deteriorating, and this could be the beginning of the end.  Please pray that God will give this shell-shocked parents some peace. 

Uncle Carroll got the results from his MRI this week.  His chemo and radiation for pancreatic cancer was ineffective.  His tumor has not shrunk (possibly bigger, I don't remember if Mom said) and has metastized to his liver.  The doctor gave him no hope of any treatment, and has told him that he has 6-12 months left.  This comes as quite a shock, and I don't think anyone is sure how to react.  Uncle Carroll is willing to seek second opinions and experimental treatments, and we're all still praying!

The family I interviewed last week has decided to go with another day care closer to their house. Please pray that I can fill that spot soon, as we desperately need me to be back to a full income.

Have a great Friday!

Scratch, Ding, Scrape

This weekend, I dropped my phone. No big deal, really, as I do this all the time. However, I was outside on concrete. And it was my brand new phone, my baby. One minute it was shiny and perfect. The next minute it had a ding in the silver and a scrape on the shiny black outside. Just like that, it's not perfect anymore. Now it has battlewounds that came from my own clumsiness.

The world didn't end, of course. We took Brian's Mom and Dad's truck and headed toward town as planned. I gradually forgot about my phone as I watched the gorgeous scenery go by. Baileys Mountain is seriously beautiful, especially in the spring and fall. Suddenly I became very aware of the fact that we were in Brian's Mom's very new, very perfect SUV There were pointy, gougey things all around us! Rocks, trees, and ditches, oh my! I had visions of us rolling that Escape into a ditch and wrapping it around a tree. Dinged doors and chipped paint flashed through my head. And then it dawned on me: the world is chock full of things that can scratch and ding. And life is full of the very same - opportunities to scratch, gouge, and ding each other.

How often do you speak without thinking about how your words will be received? Words hurt. They sting, poke, and chip off little bits of someone's confidence. How often do your sharp words scratch your spouse, or chip the paint off your relationship? If we're honest with ourseelves, it's probably a lot mroe often than we'd like to admit.

I know I'm guilty of this. If I'm the least bit stressed or tired, harried or annoyed, guess who bears the brunt? Brian. I usually realize it and quickly apologize, but the damage is done; his paint is chipped just a little bit. I'd love to use the excuse that we only hurt the ones we love, but he never does it to me Never. I could take a lesson from this man, and I plan to.

Spouses aren't the only people we do this to. How often does a friend's careless word break your heart? How often does something said in jest lead to a fight or the end of a friendship? We may say that people are just too sensitive, but in reality we were probably too sharp. Thoses consant little dings and scrapes are what wear us down and take the luster off our finish. How can you go about your day being the best person you can possibly be if the first person you saw today gouged you ? Whose day did you affect that same way today? Adults are one thing, but children are another question altogether. Their little souls are wounded so easily, and a careless word from an adult could alter their very personality forever. But not for the better.

So, I'm going to plan to be a little softer. A little more gentle, and a whole lot more observant of other peoples' paint jobs. Imagine if we all were a little more considerate in our daily lives, and remembered not to throw verbal rocks at those we love.

A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.

Proverbs 15:1

Thank God....It's Friday

Once again, it's Friday.  Woot!!  So, for the second week running, I bring you

Thank God......It's Friday

Praises

This week, I'm thanking God that my Uncle Billy was able to have his IV drip removed and began eating food. If broth counts as food, that is!  I'm sure after not eating a single thing for more than a month it certainly counts for him!

Stellan's surgery went well all things considered, and from all accounts he's doing fine!  **edited to add:  Notsomuch.  Please keep him in your prayers.  I've added him to the list below.

I've felt amazingly wonderful for no apparent reason and am loving life again!

We get to spend the weekend in West Virginia with Brian's family, catching up with folks we only see a few times a year.

I may have secured another child for daycare, which will make it so much better for us financially.  I've been down to three kids for quite some time, so this is huge in the grand scheme of our lives!!  And it's a huge answer to prayer!

Requests

Many people are praying for Kayleigh and her family.  Please join in and pray that the Lord will touch her tiny body and heal it, and will give her family peace and comfort.

Stellan is recovering, but it looks like his surgery was not a success.  Please remember him and his family, as they need prayer still!

Annette is still undergoing treatment, so please lift her and her family up.

Uncle Carroll underwent testing yesterday to see how well his chemo and radiation worked.  It'll be several days until he gets results, so please keep him in your prayers.

Uncle Billy is still in the hosptial, waiting for his pancreas to get its head out of its hind end.

Aunt Margie is still in the hosptial, trying to breathe a little easier.

I wouldn't mind getting all pregnant this month, if it's all the same to everyone else.

What would you like us to pray for, and what are you thanking God for this week?  

Post De-Railed

Like everyone else in the known universe today I planned to blog about Earth Day.  You know, what we' ve been doing around here to be more green and eco-friendly, what you can do at your house, how swell we all are for recycling.  Then a whole lot of stuff intervened, and it's just cemented my opinion that there are more important things to blog about.  Sure, I'm all about being green.  Brian and I are conservation-minded people by our very nature.  We believe in protecting the environment, wildlife, and our resources.  We believe in alternate energy sources and sustainable living.  We're big fans of buying local and organic, and using reuseable items instead of disposibles any time it's possible. That's just who we are, and if you've been in our house for more than 10 minutes you've seen that in action.  No big shocker there that we'll keep reducing, reusing, and recycling until we shuffle off this mortal coil.  It's not for funnsies, and it's not for trendiness -- it's our God-given responsibility as stewards of this earth.  We were given protection of it and dominion over it; therefore we must care for it as a gift from God and not waste it.  There ya go, my thoughts for Earth Day.  Around here, it's no different than the other 364 days of the year, and I hope that you'll be willing to make each day around your place an eco-friendly one, too.  

So what derailed me and is far, far, FAR more important?  Kayleigh.  Kayleigh Anne Freeman, to be exact.  I've been following Kayleigh's story for a while now, and have mentioned it to you already.  Yesterday, as a matter of fact.  You may remember that she underwent major surgery last week, and has been recovering nicely.  As of about two days ago, the doctors were going to wean her off of her sedation and allow her to slowly wake up.  

Today when I checked my blog reader, I was devastated to learn that Kayleigh may have suffered a stroke, and may be brain dead.  I am completely stunned, and I cannot even imagine how her parents are feeling.  From reading their blog for a while, I'm confident that they will not consider this an automatic death sentence for Kayleigh, and will be praying for God to touch her with a miracle yet.  But, this has to be a blow to them as they may have to face losing Kayleigh soon.  This family has been through pure hell the past 10 months, and have suffered financial ruin as a result of medical costs.  Through it all they have been positive, uplifting, and faithful.  Please do them the favor of praying for them and for Kayleigh whenever you can today.  Pray for wisdom and guidance for doctors, and for comfort for her parents.  But most of all, just please pray unceasingly for Kayleigh.

Meanwhile, the most recent update from MckMama is that Stellan is doing well and was waking up yesterday afternoon.  If you'd like to follow her updates for yourself, please click here.  From the account of his surgery, I'd say a ton of prayers were offered on his behalf yesterday, and the job's not done yet.  So keep going.

On a personal note, one of my aunts is in the hospital at UVA.  She is having trouble breathing, and from what I hear her lungs are filled with fluid.  This is a sister to the uncle who is also in the hospital with pancreaitis, and they are my dad's siblings.  Please keep them in your prayers.

Now, lunch is done and the blog is updated.  So I should go clean a bathroom....  Or fix dinner..... Or just enjoy nap time peace and quiet!!

Light Hearted

There is an unbelievable lightness in my soul these days, folks. I don't know why, and I can't really explain it. Maybe it's the fact that it's Spring, maybe it's because I'm finally feeling human again, or maybe it's because I'm surrounded by people I love. I don't know, but I like it. I have a renewed energy for things I've been slacking on. You know: things like cleaning, cooking good food for us, or getting out and about. I'm feeling better about life in general (which is funny, since the world as we know it is headed to Hell in a handbasket, right?) and my life specifically. Being a good wife is getting easier with practice every day, remembering to squelch anger or negativity in its path is getting far easier, and enjoying doing things around the house. The infertility roller coaster is still on its path, but I feel more at ease. I totally credit that to the fact that we've just given it to God. We'll keep up the Clomid and such, and just trust God for the timing. It's making it easier to handle emotionally, I know that! I have a new peace about my whole life, and it's like being comfortable in my skin for the first time in a long, long time.

As I mentioned last week, I read a lot of blogs. Seriously, ya'll. Today I spent the day checking in on Stellan and Tricia as they faced their individual medical challenges. And praising the Lord that Kayleigh is doing well so far in her recovery. I cannot begin to explain just how much these families (and others, as well) have touched me lately and added to my own personal growth. They are all facing incredible medical issues but still keep smiling and encouraging others. None of them are the least bit afraid of sharing their faith, either. Which is refreshing and has encouraged me to feel okay doing the same. It can be a bit daunting to step out of your comfort zone and talk about your relationship with the Lord. As much as you don't want to think it, you worry about what your friends will think or say. I'm pretty much done with that, just to give you fair warning. I'm constantly amazed by what my God can do, and these three awesome families have helped me be comfortable sharing it! Yay for them!

So, I'm spending the forseeable future surrounding myself with positive people, being as joyful as I can possibly be, and just being happy in my life. Suddenly it's just a good day, every day. I don't know what it is, but I like it!