1 week ago
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
My New Blog
Today, I got pissed at Livejournal. I went to my friend Sealgair's website, only to be asked to verify my age.... Okay, I can accept that. I'm slightly over 14, so I clicked the appropriate button. As I was redirected to Sealgair's blog, I found that each entry was hidden behind a cut that said there might be age-inappropriate content on that post. The first post? A happy birthday wish to her brother. What?! How is that inappropriate for anyone? I can accept that somethings on the internet aren't suitable for children. Ideally, parents should monitor their children, but I'm fully aware that most do not. That would involve caring. Not gonna happen. Then I read that Livejournal is now managed by some other company, based out of Russia. I don't want to know the particulars. All I need to know is that I don't want my blog to be censored by other readers. By myself, sure. By Livejournal due to policy, sure. By Susie Shmo who doesn't agree with me? Bite me. I wasn't terribly thrilled with the site in general, but new management and censorship did it for me. Later, gator. I'm off to the bloggersphere of my choice. I've copied all of my previous posts to this blog, so if you need to catch up, go to the end and read your way up. I'll wait right here for you.....
No More Soy!
Originally posted to Livejournal on November 12, 2007.
A while back, I started coming across some disturbing statements. And the fact that these statements were on websites that I trust was even more disturbing. These statements had to do with soy, and the safety of eating soy or taking soy isoflavones as supplements. Soy, found in restaurants and grocery stores, in our milk, yogurt, candy bars, and bread, is not safe for human consumption. For several years now, people have been pushing soy as a wonder food, as the answer to a variety of health problems, and as a general answer to any food or health crisis. Forget the fact that soy has not been proven safe for human consumption and contains several known toxins. We’ll just go ahead and feed it to babies in infant formulas.
For me, this is a personal concern because I used to rely on soy for a large amount of my nutrition. A few years ago I was on an ultra-high protein diet that emphasized soy protein to prevent muscle loss. The soy was in the form of protein bars, and I ate about three per day. I’m actually not sure how much soy was in each of them, only that it was quite a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I lost a large amount of weight. The minute I stopped the diet, I gained it all back. Now, I’m having a horribly hard time losing any weight, regardless of how balanced my diet is. Tests show that my thyroid function has decreased dramatically. And now, I may have the answer why.
Let’s start at the very beginning, with babies. Many babies are fed soy-based formulas as an alternative to breast milk or non soy-based formulas. I don’t really want to get into the formula versus breast milk discussion; to each her own, quite frankly. If I didn’t intend to breast feed before, though, I certainly do after reading about soy formulas and the damage they can do to babies. Many parents that fed soy formulas in the 1960's did so after receiving the advice that they were 'better than breast milk'. Had they known that these products contained phytoestrogens, compounds that are now known to cause thyroid disorders, behavioural and developmental disorders and cancer they would not have even contemplated the use of what was, in hindsight, an experimental product. Babies fed soy-based formula have 13,000 to 22,000 times more estrogen compounds in their blood than babies fed milk-based formula, and infants exclusively fed soy formula receive the estrogenic equivalent of at least five birth control pills per day. Male infants undergo a “testosterone surge” during the first few months of life, when testosterone levels may be as high as those of an adult male. During this period, baby boys are programmed to express male characteristics after puberty, not only in the development of their sexual organs and other masculine physical traits, but also in setting patterns in the brain characteristic of male behavior. Pediatricians are noticing greater numbers of boys whose physical maturation is delayed, or does not occur at all, including lack of development of the sexual organs. Learning disabilities, especially in male children, have reached epidemic proportions. Soy infant feeding—which floods the bloodstream with female hormones that inhibit testosterone—cannot be ignored as a possible cause for these tragic developments. In animals, soy feeding indicates that phytoestrogens in soy are powerful endocrine disrupters. Almost 15 percent of white girls and 50 percent of African-American girls show signs of puberty such as breast development and pubic hair, before the age of eight. Some girls are showing sexual development before the age of three. Premature development of girls has been linked to the use of soy formula and exposure to environmental estrogens such as PCBs and DDE.(www.soyonlineservice.co.nz)
Babies aren’t the only people in danger from soy and soy products. High levels of phytic acid in soy reduce assimilation of calcium, magnesium, copper, iron and zinc. Phytic acid in soy is not neutralized by ordinary preparation methods such as soaking, sprouting and long, slow cooking. High phytate diets have caused growth problems in children. Trypsin inhibitors in soy interfere with protein digestion and may cause pancreatic disorders. In test animals soy containing trypsin inhibitors caused stunted growth. Soy phytoestrogens disrupt endocrine function and have the potential to cause infertility and to promote breast cancer in adult women. Soy phytoestrogens are potent antithyroid agents that cause hypothyroidism and may cause thyroid cancer.
Vitamin B12 analogs in soy are not absorbed and actually increase the body’s requirement for B12, and soy foods increase the body’s requirement for vitamin D. Fragile proteins are denatured during high temperature processing to make soy protein isolate and textured vegetable protein. Processing of soy protein results in the formation of toxic lysinoalanine and highly carcinogenic nitrosamines. Free glutamic acid or MSG, a potent neurotoxin, is formed during soy food processing and added to many soy foods, and soy foods contain high levels of aluminum which is toxic to the nervous system and the kidneys.(www.soyonlineservice.co.nz)
The following is an excerpt from a letter of protest from researchers Daniel Doerge and Daniel Sheehan, two of the Food and Drug Administration's (FDA) key experts on soy, to the FDA, protesting the health claims approved by the FDA on soy products:
There is abundant evidence that some of the isoflavones found in soy, including genistein and equol, a metabolize of daidzen, demonstrate toxicity in estrogen sensitive tissues and in the thyroid. This is true for a number of species, including humans. Additionally, isoflavones are inhibitors of the thyroid peroxidase which makes T3 and T4. Inhibition can be expected to generate thyroid abnormalities, including goiter and autoimmune thyroiditis. There exists a significant body of animal data that demonstrates goitrogenic and even carcinogenic effects of soy products. Moreover, there are significant reports of goitrogenic effects from soy consumption in human infants and adults.
The Honolulu Star-Bulletin reported: A Hawaii study shows a significant statistical relationship between two or more servings of tofu a week and 'accelerated brain aging' and even an association with Alzheimer's disease, says Dr. Lon White. "...these are not nutrients. They are drugs. They will have some benefits and some negative things."
David Zava, Ph.D., a biochemist and an experienced breast cancer researcher stated in an interview:
"In studying the literature on soy I found there are about five types of plant chemicals in the soybean that can be toxic to humans if they are not removed by special processing… the fifth antinutrient in soybeans is called a goitrogen. This is a chemical that latches on to iodine, preventing it from absorbing into the body from the gastrointestinal tract. Iodine is needed to make thyroid hormone. Low thyroid function has been associated with poor brain development. Anyone who has been deficient in thyroid hormone understands quite well what impact this can have on normal brain function, especially at a time in life as we grow older and "fuzzy thinking" creeps into our vocabulary." (http://thyroid.about.com/cs/soyinfo/a/soy.htm)
The more I read, the more I realize that there is not truly a “safe” amount to soy. Two glasses of soy milk a day, over the course of a month, contains enough of the chemical to change the timing of a woman’s menstrual cycle. Many women of child-bearing age are having terrible mood swings, depression, and they experience monthly PMS. Could these women be playing havoc with their hormones by what they are eating? (http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/topics/general-view/archive/2001/october/10/soy-alert/)
A while back, I started coming across some disturbing statements. And the fact that these statements were on websites that I trust was even more disturbing. These statements had to do with soy, and the safety of eating soy or taking soy isoflavones as supplements. Soy, found in restaurants and grocery stores, in our milk, yogurt, candy bars, and bread, is not safe for human consumption. For several years now, people have been pushing soy as a wonder food, as the answer to a variety of health problems, and as a general answer to any food or health crisis. Forget the fact that soy has not been proven safe for human consumption and contains several known toxins. We’ll just go ahead and feed it to babies in infant formulas.
For me, this is a personal concern because I used to rely on soy for a large amount of my nutrition. A few years ago I was on an ultra-high protein diet that emphasized soy protein to prevent muscle loss. The soy was in the form of protein bars, and I ate about three per day. I’m actually not sure how much soy was in each of them, only that it was quite a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I lost a large amount of weight. The minute I stopped the diet, I gained it all back. Now, I’m having a horribly hard time losing any weight, regardless of how balanced my diet is. Tests show that my thyroid function has decreased dramatically. And now, I may have the answer why.
In addition, I’ve noticed that in the past while I’ve become sluggish, am constantly tired, and am often sick for no apparent reason. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t seem to get enough sleep, or why I caught every cold or flu that came down the pike. Or why I was nauseous and achy even when there didn’t seem to be a viral reason. Now I have to wonder if soy was the culprit. I thought I’d put a bit of the research that I’ve found here for future reference, and so I can refer my family and friends to it in an effort to maybe help them explore soy for themselves.
A lot of the available research into soy comes from the internet. What doesn’t come from the internet these days, right? Trust me, I do not believe everything I read online. I know that just because it’s on the Web doesn’t make it true. However, I try to double check sources and make sure that things are reliable before I go around quoting incorrect information. So, for form’s sake, I’ll include a list of the websites that I focused on in finding my soy information.
A lot of the available research into soy comes from the internet. What doesn’t come from the internet these days, right? Trust me, I do not believe everything I read online. I know that just because it’s on the Web doesn’t make it true. However, I try to double check sources and make sure that things are reliable before I go around quoting incorrect information. So, for form’s sake, I’ll include a list of the websites that I focused on in finding my soy information.
Let’s start at the very beginning, with babies. Many babies are fed soy-based formulas as an alternative to breast milk or non soy-based formulas. I don’t really want to get into the formula versus breast milk discussion; to each her own, quite frankly. If I didn’t intend to breast feed before, though, I certainly do after reading about soy formulas and the damage they can do to babies. Many parents that fed soy formulas in the 1960's did so after receiving the advice that they were 'better than breast milk'. Had they known that these products contained phytoestrogens, compounds that are now known to cause thyroid disorders, behavioural and developmental disorders and cancer they would not have even contemplated the use of what was, in hindsight, an experimental product. Babies fed soy-based formula have 13,000 to 22,000 times more estrogen compounds in their blood than babies fed milk-based formula, and infants exclusively fed soy formula receive the estrogenic equivalent of at least five birth control pills per day. Male infants undergo a “testosterone surge” during the first few months of life, when testosterone levels may be as high as those of an adult male. During this period, baby boys are programmed to express male characteristics after puberty, not only in the development of their sexual organs and other masculine physical traits, but also in setting patterns in the brain characteristic of male behavior. Pediatricians are noticing greater numbers of boys whose physical maturation is delayed, or does not occur at all, including lack of development of the sexual organs. Learning disabilities, especially in male children, have reached epidemic proportions. Soy infant feeding—which floods the bloodstream with female hormones that inhibit testosterone—cannot be ignored as a possible cause for these tragic developments. In animals, soy feeding indicates that phytoestrogens in soy are powerful endocrine disrupters. Almost 15 percent of white girls and 50 percent of African-American girls show signs of puberty such as breast development and pubic hair, before the age of eight. Some girls are showing sexual development before the age of three. Premature development of girls has been linked to the use of soy formula and exposure to environmental estrogens such as PCBs and DDE.(www.soyonlineservice.co.nz)
Babies aren’t the only people in danger from soy and soy products. High levels of phytic acid in soy reduce assimilation of calcium, magnesium, copper, iron and zinc. Phytic acid in soy is not neutralized by ordinary preparation methods such as soaking, sprouting and long, slow cooking. High phytate diets have caused growth problems in children. Trypsin inhibitors in soy interfere with protein digestion and may cause pancreatic disorders. In test animals soy containing trypsin inhibitors caused stunted growth. Soy phytoestrogens disrupt endocrine function and have the potential to cause infertility and to promote breast cancer in adult women. Soy phytoestrogens are potent antithyroid agents that cause hypothyroidism and may cause thyroid cancer.
Vitamin B12 analogs in soy are not absorbed and actually increase the body’s requirement for B12, and soy foods increase the body’s requirement for vitamin D. Fragile proteins are denatured during high temperature processing to make soy protein isolate and textured vegetable protein. Processing of soy protein results in the formation of toxic lysinoalanine and highly carcinogenic nitrosamines. Free glutamic acid or MSG, a potent neurotoxin, is formed during soy food processing and added to many soy foods, and soy foods contain high levels of aluminum which is toxic to the nervous system and the kidneys.(www.soyonlineservice.co.nz)
The following is an excerpt from a letter of protest from researchers Daniel Doerge and Daniel Sheehan, two of the Food and Drug Administration's (FDA) key experts on soy, to the FDA, protesting the health claims approved by the FDA on soy products:
There is abundant evidence that some of the isoflavones found in soy, including genistein and equol, a metabolize of daidzen, demonstrate toxicity in estrogen sensitive tissues and in the thyroid. This is true for a number of species, including humans. Additionally, isoflavones are inhibitors of the thyroid peroxidase which makes T3 and T4. Inhibition can be expected to generate thyroid abnormalities, including goiter and autoimmune thyroiditis. There exists a significant body of animal data that demonstrates goitrogenic and even carcinogenic effects of soy products. Moreover, there are significant reports of goitrogenic effects from soy consumption in human infants and adults.
The Honolulu Star-Bulletin reported: A Hawaii study shows a significant statistical relationship between two or more servings of tofu a week and 'accelerated brain aging' and even an association with Alzheimer's disease, says Dr. Lon White. "...these are not nutrients. They are drugs. They will have some benefits and some negative things."
David Zava, Ph.D., a biochemist and an experienced breast cancer researcher stated in an interview:
"In studying the literature on soy I found there are about five types of plant chemicals in the soybean that can be toxic to humans if they are not removed by special processing… the fifth antinutrient in soybeans is called a goitrogen. This is a chemical that latches on to iodine, preventing it from absorbing into the body from the gastrointestinal tract. Iodine is needed to make thyroid hormone. Low thyroid function has been associated with poor brain development. Anyone who has been deficient in thyroid hormone understands quite well what impact this can have on normal brain function, especially at a time in life as we grow older and "fuzzy thinking" creeps into our vocabulary." (http://thyroid.about.com/cs/soyinfo/a/soy.htm)
The more I read, the more I realize that there is not truly a “safe” amount to soy. Two glasses of soy milk a day, over the course of a month, contains enough of the chemical to change the timing of a woman’s menstrual cycle. Many women of child-bearing age are having terrible mood swings, depression, and they experience monthly PMS. Could these women be playing havoc with their hormones by what they are eating? (http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/topics/general-view/archive/2001/october/10/soy-alert/)
In addition, researchers believe that the trend toward lower male fertility may be due to environmental estrogens, including the soy phytoestrogens. There is strong evidence that soy phytoestrogens inhibit an enzyme which is required for the synthesis of testosterone and the development of the CNS-gonadal axis. Much research is now being done to determine the effects of soy on male animals (even male insects) of all sorts. Research with animals and insects from the grasshopper to the cheetah, are showing that soy affects males by making them less confident, less aggressive, indecisive, show less sexual interest, lower sperm count and in some studies less everything male. Research on humans is slow (years), but the short-term studies on men are showing the information obtained through animal life spans correlate with what is happening in human research. (http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/topics/general-view/archive/2001/october/10/soy-alert/)
The longest study on soy products began in Hawaii in 1965 with 8,006 Japanese-American men. It questioned the men about 27 foods and drinks. Over the years the men were monitored, questioned, and studied. The study shows a significant statistical relationship between two or more servings of tofu a week and “accelerated brain aging” and even an association with Alzheimer’s disease, says Dr. Lon White, who has been studying diseases and aging in this Honolulu Heart Program. White said the scientists found “a significant link between tofu consumption during midlife and loss of mental ability and even loss of brain weight.” Tofu was the only consistent link among the men. “The test results were about equivalent to what they would have been if they were five years older and the guys who ate none, their test scores were as though they were five years younger.” Said White. The brains of 300 men who died were examined in a unique autopsy study conducted as part of the Honolulu aging project. White reports, “But what I did see was the simple weight of the brain was lower. Shrinkage occurs naturally with age, but atrophy progressed more rapidly in those men who had consumed more tofu.” (http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/topics/general-view/archive/2001/october/10/soy-alert/)
Since I started reading about soy and the dangers of soy foods, I’ve been making sure that we have as little soy as possible in our house. I’m finding that soy lecithin is seriously hard to avoid, and can be dangerous as well. But we’ve definitely been avoiding soy protein, soybean oils, and any other sources of soy that we can. There is no tofu and no “meatless meats” in our house. Considering how I used to love Veggie Burgers, that’s a feat. And I feel better. I’m less sluggish, much healthier, and am finally losing weight. I’ll have my thyroid function tested again in December or January, and hope to see a big difference since my last test in May. Please consider eliminating soy from your diet, and definitely don’t feed it to your children. It’s a tragedy that soy has become the panacea that it is touted to be, especially when it’s so obviously not.
Sources and References:
www.soyonlineservice.co.nz
http://thyroid.about.com/cs/soyinfo/a/soy.htm
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/topics/general-view/archive/2001/october/10/soy-alert/
http://www.wholesoystory.com/index.php?pageID=Home
Sources and References:
www.soyonlineservice.co.nz
http://thyroid.about.com/cs/soyinfo/a/soy.htm
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/topics/general-view/archive/2001/october/10/soy-alert/
http://www.wholesoystory.com/index.php?pageID=Home
Cloth Baby Wipe Information
Originally posted to Livejournal on September 24, 2007.
Okay, this one is mostly for me, too. Thinking about cloth diapers leads to thinking about the dreaded baby wipe. Both ingenious and heinous in one little piece of...paper?? What are those things made of, anyway? When I started daycare, I found myself using wipes for hands, faces, bottoms, noses, the highchair tray. What a waste!! So, I bought some baby washcloths and use those for hands and faces after eating. I do still use paper towels on highchair trays, but I'm trying to find a way around that, too. Probably just a dishcloth will do. Anyway, wipes are expensive, wasteful, and a totally replaceable item. I want to record some prices and figures for my future use. Maybe someone else will someday surf by and feel compelled to change their wasteful ways. Or not. Whatever. :)
Okay, I've established I'm 'frugal'...buzzword for cheap and occasionally poor. So I'd buy wipes at Costco. Huggies wipes are sold at Costco for (according to www.costco.com) $19.99 for 832 wipes. That's actually not bad at all. I average 5 wipes per dirty diaper, so this case would last through 166 diapers. I actually doubt that, but we'll go with the numbers. Figure three dirty diapers per day, and that's 55 days. In 2 1/2 years of regular diaper changes, there are 913 days (how did I get 912.5?!). So, we'd need 17 cases of wipes. At $19.99, if there is no price change, that is $339.83. That is actually a ton more than I thought....
For cloth wipes, www.fuzzibunzworld.com has great wipes for a bit more money than I'd like to pay, 6 for $10.95. That comes to $1.82 each, which I guess isn't horrible. www.sweetcheeksdiapers.com has wipe in full and half sizes for either $2 or $1 each. At five wipes per diaper, keeping enough for a half-dozen dirty diapers sounds like a start. So, 30 wipes at least. No matter where you buy them, that's far less than $339.83...... www.wildflowerdiapers.com seems like a great source too, and has mama products. Their wipes are 12 for 9.99 for flannel ones, which is .83 each. Much better!! So, I'm going to figure 3 dozen to be on the safe side. That's 36 wipes for $29.97, not counting tax and shipping. There are various recipes for wipe solutions and Baby Bitz wipe solution is available at Fuzzi Bunz World, too. It's seriously starting to look like having a baby is going to be the cheapest thing we've done since we met!!
Okay, this one is mostly for me, too. Thinking about cloth diapers leads to thinking about the dreaded baby wipe. Both ingenious and heinous in one little piece of...paper?? What are those things made of, anyway? When I started daycare, I found myself using wipes for hands, faces, bottoms, noses, the highchair tray. What a waste!! So, I bought some baby washcloths and use those for hands and faces after eating. I do still use paper towels on highchair trays, but I'm trying to find a way around that, too. Probably just a dishcloth will do. Anyway, wipes are expensive, wasteful, and a totally replaceable item. I want to record some prices and figures for my future use. Maybe someone else will someday surf by and feel compelled to change their wasteful ways. Or not. Whatever. :)
Okay, I've established I'm 'frugal'...buzzword for cheap and occasionally poor. So I'd buy wipes at Costco. Huggies wipes are sold at Costco for (according to www.costco.com) $19.99 for 832 wipes. That's actually not bad at all. I average 5 wipes per dirty diaper, so this case would last through 166 diapers. I actually doubt that, but we'll go with the numbers. Figure three dirty diapers per day, and that's 55 days. In 2 1/2 years of regular diaper changes, there are 913 days (how did I get 912.5?!). So, we'd need 17 cases of wipes. At $19.99, if there is no price change, that is $339.83. That is actually a ton more than I thought....
For cloth wipes, www.fuzzibunzworld.com has great wipes for a bit more money than I'd like to pay, 6 for $10.95. That comes to $1.82 each, which I guess isn't horrible. www.sweetcheeksdiapers.com has wipe in full and half sizes for either $2 or $1 each. At five wipes per diaper, keeping enough for a half-dozen dirty diapers sounds like a start. So, 30 wipes at least. No matter where you buy them, that's far less than $339.83...... www.wildflowerdiapers.com seems like a great source too, and has mama products. Their wipes are 12 for 9.99 for flannel ones, which is .83 each. Much better!! So, I'm going to figure 3 dozen to be on the safe side. That's 36 wipes for $29.97, not counting tax and shipping. There are various recipes for wipe solutions and Baby Bitz wipe solution is available at Fuzzi Bunz World, too. It's seriously starting to look like having a baby is going to be the cheapest thing we've done since we met!!
Cloth Diaper Figures
Originally posted to Livejournal on September 20, 2007.
**this originally had clickable links, but it was a pain to transfer them when I started this blog. So we'll all just have to copy and paste...**
Okay, this is primarily just for me. We've decided to use cloth diapers when we finally have kids, and I'm a total advance planner. Luckily one of the little boys in my daycare uses cloth diapers, so I'm getting experience and gathering ideas and tips. I'd like to say I'm getting experience before I'm sleep-deprived, But today is one of those days where I feel like I had someone waking me every 2 hours last night! Anyhoo, this is mostly a post to let me save links and information for later reference. A cyber-Post It, if you will.
For the purposes of this post, I will be estimating the number of diapers needed for a child. The babies currently in my care range between 11 and 16 months. They use a diaper in the morning, one before AM nap, one after, one before PM nap, and one after. Then usually one for those little surprises. So between 8 and 5:30, that's 6 diapers. Figure from 5:30 - midnight they use one when getting home, one after dinner, one before bed, and another dirty one. That's four more, for a total of 10. For kids over a year old. I'd figure at least two more a day for newborns and little ones, as they tend to go poop about a billion times a day! So let's go on the average of 10 diapers a day, knowing that this would be subject to change.
Knowing hubby and myself, we would buy diapers at Costco. We are cheap....I mean frugal! Using that great online resource, Google, I found a site that offers Pampers Dry Baby diapers. Let's go with size 3s, from 16-28 pounds, which is the size most of my kids are in now. Pampers has a box of 180 for $37.88 (on www.diapers.com). It may be more or less in stores. Kirkland diapers from Costco, size 3, are $34.89 for 200. That's .21/diaper for Pampers, and .17/diaper for Costco. Yeah, Costco it is.
Figure 10 per day, and that's $1.70, of course. Multiply by 30, and it's $51 per month. For 300 diapers. That last 500 years each in landfills, not to mention what that human waste does to the ground water. The average child is in diapers full-time until the age of 2 1/2, when they reduce their diaper use. Figure 30 months full-time in diapers. That's 9000 diapers in 2 1/ years. At .17 per diaper (as if the price won't go up!), that's $1530.00.
For the next six months, let's figure diaper consumtion goes down to 5 per day. That's 150 per month, and 900 for the six month period. 900 diapers at .17 per diaper is $153. So roughly $1683.00 spent on disposible diapers in a child's three year diaper-using career. Holy moly.
The diapers that my little blond friend wears are Fuzzi Bunz. They are what is called a pocket diaper, meaning there is a pocket in the back for an insert. You can double or triple the inserts for added absorbancy, but I've never needed more than one. Maybe at night I'd use two just to be safe. Fuzzi Bunz come in loads of sizes, but most children use the medium ones from about six months through the end of their diaper days. Only much, much bigger or tiny babies need the preemies, extra smalls, larges, or extra larges. So, I'll figure we'll need mediums for the majority of our figures. We'll get to newborns in a minute. 18 medium Fuzzi Bunz are $305.10. That's $18 per diaper, granted, but it is a one-time expense. I'd prefer to have a minimum of two days worth of diapers, so to that 18 pack I'd add a three pack for $53.85. Our orginial order of medium Fuzzi Bunz (provided we use www.fuzzibunzworld.com) would be $358.95. This particular site offers free shipping on orders over $25, so that wouldn't be an issue. This one-time expense is steep, but is still about a fourth or less of the expense of one-use diapers. We'd buy neutral colors so we can use them for subsequent kids, with the occasional pink or blue (or WVU-colored....) diaper thrown in for good measure.
For newborns, I see no reason to have a ton of diapers on-hand in a size that a baby might only wear for a month or two. The smalls are for babies 7-18 pounds, while the mediums start at 15 pounds. So the small size only really serves a purpose for babies 7-14 pounds. I was 8.6 when I was born, and my brother was 4.3...at 28 weeks. We grow em big. Brian was early, too, and only about 5 pounds and change. But his sisters were term, and at least one was nearly 10 pounds, if I'm not mistaken. And his father was a horse and breech. We're probably not having tiny kids. I see very, very little reason to have tons of diapers in this size, especially at $18 a piece.
Enter the Wal-Mart solution. Bear in mind that we rarely shop at Wal-mart, and generally hate their business practices. But, in looking for information on all this, I found some diapers at www.Walmart.com. Kushies All In One Pocket Diapers for infants seem like a pretty good deal. 5 diapers are $38.74, which is $7.75 per diaper. Much better for about 20, which would be $154.96. That would do it for the beginning, at least, or we could add another pack. Still not a bad deal.
Okay, this has been long. But it's information I don't want to figure out later. I'll figure up information on reuseable baby wipes here in a minute....
**this originally had clickable links, but it was a pain to transfer them when I started this blog. So we'll all just have to copy and paste...**
Okay, this is primarily just for me. We've decided to use cloth diapers when we finally have kids, and I'm a total advance planner. Luckily one of the little boys in my daycare uses cloth diapers, so I'm getting experience and gathering ideas and tips. I'd like to say I'm getting experience before I'm sleep-deprived, But today is one of those days where I feel like I had someone waking me every 2 hours last night! Anyhoo, this is mostly a post to let me save links and information for later reference. A cyber-Post It, if you will.
For the purposes of this post, I will be estimating the number of diapers needed for a child. The babies currently in my care range between 11 and 16 months. They use a diaper in the morning, one before AM nap, one after, one before PM nap, and one after. Then usually one for those little surprises. So between 8 and 5:30, that's 6 diapers. Figure from 5:30 - midnight they use one when getting home, one after dinner, one before bed, and another dirty one. That's four more, for a total of 10. For kids over a year old. I'd figure at least two more a day for newborns and little ones, as they tend to go poop about a billion times a day! So let's go on the average of 10 diapers a day, knowing that this would be subject to change.
Knowing hubby and myself, we would buy diapers at Costco. We are cheap....I mean frugal! Using that great online resource, Google, I found a site that offers Pampers Dry Baby diapers. Let's go with size 3s, from 16-28 pounds, which is the size most of my kids are in now. Pampers has a box of 180 for $37.88 (on www.diapers.com). It may be more or less in stores. Kirkland diapers from Costco, size 3, are $34.89 for 200. That's .21/diaper for Pampers, and .17/diaper for Costco. Yeah, Costco it is.
Figure 10 per day, and that's $1.70, of course. Multiply by 30, and it's $51 per month. For 300 diapers. That last 500 years each in landfills, not to mention what that human waste does to the ground water. The average child is in diapers full-time until the age of 2 1/2, when they reduce their diaper use. Figure 30 months full-time in diapers. That's 9000 diapers in 2 1/ years. At .17 per diaper (as if the price won't go up!), that's $1530.00.
For the next six months, let's figure diaper consumtion goes down to 5 per day. That's 150 per month, and 900 for the six month period. 900 diapers at .17 per diaper is $153. So roughly $1683.00 spent on disposible diapers in a child's three year diaper-using career. Holy moly.
The diapers that my little blond friend wears are Fuzzi Bunz. They are what is called a pocket diaper, meaning there is a pocket in the back for an insert. You can double or triple the inserts for added absorbancy, but I've never needed more than one. Maybe at night I'd use two just to be safe. Fuzzi Bunz come in loads of sizes, but most children use the medium ones from about six months through the end of their diaper days. Only much, much bigger or tiny babies need the preemies, extra smalls, larges, or extra larges. So, I'll figure we'll need mediums for the majority of our figures. We'll get to newborns in a minute. 18 medium Fuzzi Bunz are $305.10. That's $18 per diaper, granted, but it is a one-time expense. I'd prefer to have a minimum of two days worth of diapers, so to that 18 pack I'd add a three pack for $53.85. Our orginial order of medium Fuzzi Bunz (provided we use www.fuzzibunzworld.com) would be $358.95. This particular site offers free shipping on orders over $25, so that wouldn't be an issue. This one-time expense is steep, but is still about a fourth or less of the expense of one-use diapers. We'd buy neutral colors so we can use them for subsequent kids, with the occasional pink or blue (or WVU-colored....) diaper thrown in for good measure.
For newborns, I see no reason to have a ton of diapers on-hand in a size that a baby might only wear for a month or two. The smalls are for babies 7-18 pounds, while the mediums start at 15 pounds. So the small size only really serves a purpose for babies 7-14 pounds. I was 8.6 when I was born, and my brother was 4.3...at 28 weeks. We grow em big. Brian was early, too, and only about 5 pounds and change. But his sisters were term, and at least one was nearly 10 pounds, if I'm not mistaken. And his father was a horse and breech. We're probably not having tiny kids. I see very, very little reason to have tons of diapers in this size, especially at $18 a piece.
Enter the Wal-Mart solution. Bear in mind that we rarely shop at Wal-mart, and generally hate their business practices. But, in looking for information on all this, I found some diapers at www.Walmart.com. Kushies All In One Pocket Diapers for infants seem like a pretty good deal. 5 diapers are $38.74, which is $7.75 per diaper. Much better for about 20, which would be $154.96. That would do it for the beginning, at least, or we could add another pack. Still not a bad deal.
Okay, this has been long. But it's information I don't want to figure out later. I'll figure up information on reuseable baby wipes here in a minute....
Finally posting!!
Originally posted to Livejournal on September 19, 2007.
Well, holy Hannah, it’s been a long time since I posted! I think most anyone who reads this or eventually will also reads the random utterances I post on MySpace, too, so no big deal. Brief recap of the summer:
May: packed and planned. Hubby switched jobs. End of IEPs for Andrea.
June: packed and planned. Renters refused to move. Lost loan. Switched moving days to appease arrogant renters. Got new loan. Moved. Started unpacking. Opened a daycare. Realized I have a lot more house to clean, and still haven’t unpacked.
July: Rethinking this whole daycare thing….this is harder than it looks! But I love it.
August: switched kiddos around, now have 3 babies and no toddlers. Eek! Still unpacking, and wondering why we have so much crap.
September: turned frigging 30. Holy crow. Official start of college football season; Go Mountaineers!!! Traveling every other weekend for home games with hubby in various shades of navy and ‘old gold’, whatever that is. Visiting with in-laws and being totally freaked out by the fact that my brother is planning to ask his girlfriend to marry him. Sadly, still unpacking, too….
That brings us up to date. You’ll notice there’s still no mention of a baby in the works. A bun in the oven. One on the way. Nope. We don’t have clearance from Slush yet. I was in for a visit back in like May or so (I posted) and she gave me until December to get my fat butt back in gear before she sends me to the dreaded endo. I pointed out to her that it’s impossible to stay on a strict diet while driving 9 hours a day for work and living in a 1 story small house. But, moving to a 3 story house and staying home where I can eat at regular times is bound to be good for me. She said she’d give me a chance. Then, just to show that if you give me enough rope I’ll hang myself, I gained 10 pounds in the moving experience. No kidding. I’m seriously 10 pounds heavier than when she was giving up on me. Huh?
So, I turned 30. Funny thing being that when I typed “30”, I mistyped and ended up with 320. Feels like it some days! But, I decided that one’s 30th birthday, coinciding nicely with a Monday (two days later, but whatever) and a new season is an auspicious time to start a new lifestyle. No, I’m not leaving hubby for a girl. Slightly less new lifestyle! We sat down and figured out when we want to start TTC. And, no kidding, we planned this around football season. See, I refuse to climb the God-forsaken hill to Mountaineer Field while gravid with baby. Or babies, as genetics might have it (twins or naught…screwed up family). So we cannot conceive between January (or December for practical purposes) and March. This avoids the dreaded occurrence of a child’s nativity being on a game day, or even future birthday parties forcing Daddy to decide between the Louisville game and little Bruce or Rachel’s fifth birthday. And, as my own daddy would point out, that lets Pappy enjoy his hunting season without fear of said festivities as well. So, we’re gonna try to get preggo around April 2008. Since I was figuring this out during lessons on September 6th (I multitask well. Shut up.), I used that Tuesday as a starting date. 30 weeks from then puts us firmly in the first week of April. 2 pounds per week (an achievable goal, as they put it) that’s 60 pounds. Enough to make Slush sit up and take notice. Enough to kick start my body into submission. Enough to allow me to haul my pregnant can up 4 flights of stairs to the showers without a heart attack!! Though if one more person tells me that he/she knew someone who lost 30 pounds and BAM got preggo, I’ll kill them. Fat people can have babies, too. My daddy’s family has been doing it for years. So have TONS of trailer park residents. So have many tribal ladies the world over who do not look like our supermodels.
I actually hope that my daddy’s family’s fat, happy, breed-like-rabbits genetics can contradict my mom’s PCOS, no-baby-having genes. It is actually a huge hope for me. I came across this hope at our recent family reunion of breeders. Tons of ‘em, spread all over the park. I hope the fertility genes in that family are just as strong as the thick, flat nose, wide, flat butt, and dark, sexy eyes (hey, it’s not all bad!) that we all have. Or the fact that my dad’s family looks just like the entire population of Cherokee, NC. We’s gots them strong genes, ya’ll.
So, 60 pounds in 30 weeks. I’ve been at it for 13 days now, and I’ve dropped 8 pounds as of this morning. Go me. 1500 calorie ADA diet. And lugging a 28 pound baby up four frigging flights of stairs for cardio!
To think I originally planned on putting up a post about cloth diapers. Mostly for my own reference later, should all go well. I’ll get to it tomorrow. We discovered today that we will be saving literal TONS of money. Nice change!!!
I’m going to go snuggle my husband and play Viva Pinata. Stupid game.
Well, holy Hannah, it’s been a long time since I posted! I think most anyone who reads this or eventually will also reads the random utterances I post on MySpace, too, so no big deal. Brief recap of the summer:
May: packed and planned. Hubby switched jobs. End of IEPs for Andrea.
June: packed and planned. Renters refused to move. Lost loan. Switched moving days to appease arrogant renters. Got new loan. Moved. Started unpacking. Opened a daycare. Realized I have a lot more house to clean, and still haven’t unpacked.
July: Rethinking this whole daycare thing….this is harder than it looks! But I love it.
August: switched kiddos around, now have 3 babies and no toddlers. Eek! Still unpacking, and wondering why we have so much crap.
September: turned frigging 30. Holy crow. Official start of college football season; Go Mountaineers!!! Traveling every other weekend for home games with hubby in various shades of navy and ‘old gold’, whatever that is. Visiting with in-laws and being totally freaked out by the fact that my brother is planning to ask his girlfriend to marry him. Sadly, still unpacking, too….
That brings us up to date. You’ll notice there’s still no mention of a baby in the works. A bun in the oven. One on the way. Nope. We don’t have clearance from Slush yet. I was in for a visit back in like May or so (I posted) and she gave me until December to get my fat butt back in gear before she sends me to the dreaded endo. I pointed out to her that it’s impossible to stay on a strict diet while driving 9 hours a day for work and living in a 1 story small house. But, moving to a 3 story house and staying home where I can eat at regular times is bound to be good for me. She said she’d give me a chance. Then, just to show that if you give me enough rope I’ll hang myself, I gained 10 pounds in the moving experience. No kidding. I’m seriously 10 pounds heavier than when she was giving up on me. Huh?
So, I turned 30. Funny thing being that when I typed “30”, I mistyped and ended up with 320. Feels like it some days! But, I decided that one’s 30th birthday, coinciding nicely with a Monday (two days later, but whatever) and a new season is an auspicious time to start a new lifestyle. No, I’m not leaving hubby for a girl. Slightly less new lifestyle! We sat down and figured out when we want to start TTC. And, no kidding, we planned this around football season. See, I refuse to climb the God-forsaken hill to Mountaineer Field while gravid with baby. Or babies, as genetics might have it (twins or naught…screwed up family). So we cannot conceive between January (or December for practical purposes) and March. This avoids the dreaded occurrence of a child’s nativity being on a game day, or even future birthday parties forcing Daddy to decide between the Louisville game and little Bruce or Rachel’s fifth birthday. And, as my own daddy would point out, that lets Pappy enjoy his hunting season without fear of said festivities as well. So, we’re gonna try to get preggo around April 2008. Since I was figuring this out during lessons on September 6th (I multitask well. Shut up.), I used that Tuesday as a starting date. 30 weeks from then puts us firmly in the first week of April. 2 pounds per week (an achievable goal, as they put it) that’s 60 pounds. Enough to make Slush sit up and take notice. Enough to kick start my body into submission. Enough to allow me to haul my pregnant can up 4 flights of stairs to the showers without a heart attack!! Though if one more person tells me that he/she knew someone who lost 30 pounds and BAM got preggo, I’ll kill them. Fat people can have babies, too. My daddy’s family has been doing it for years. So have TONS of trailer park residents. So have many tribal ladies the world over who do not look like our supermodels.
I actually hope that my daddy’s family’s fat, happy, breed-like-rabbits genetics can contradict my mom’s PCOS, no-baby-having genes. It is actually a huge hope for me. I came across this hope at our recent family reunion of breeders. Tons of ‘em, spread all over the park. I hope the fertility genes in that family are just as strong as the thick, flat nose, wide, flat butt, and dark, sexy eyes (hey, it’s not all bad!) that we all have. Or the fact that my dad’s family looks just like the entire population of Cherokee, NC. We’s gots them strong genes, ya’ll.
So, 60 pounds in 30 weeks. I’ve been at it for 13 days now, and I’ve dropped 8 pounds as of this morning. Go me. 1500 calorie ADA diet. And lugging a 28 pound baby up four frigging flights of stairs for cardio!
To think I originally planned on putting up a post about cloth diapers. Mostly for my own reference later, should all go well. I’ll get to it tomorrow. We discovered today that we will be saving literal TONS of money. Nice change!!!
I’m going to go snuggle my husband and play Viva Pinata. Stupid game.
Moving = $$
Originally posted to Livejournal on May 26, 2007.
I was about to post this to My Space, but realized that a lot of people would consider it bragging or bellyaching about good fortune. Heaven forbid I just gripped, ya know?
As I was talking with Candy earlier, I came to a startling revelation. Moving costs a whole bunch of money!! Not just the cost of the house. I mean, we’re getting a heck of a deal on that. But let’s take a minute to look at the unexpected expenses that come from “bettering your situation”. Before you read this and assume we’re made of money, I’d point out that I’m changing jobs namely so we can afford this dang house (and to avoid the therapy that would result from me continuing in my current line of work), and that we are rolling spare change to make this work. This is by no means any matter of braggy post, but is also not so much a rant either. It’s just a statement of fact. Let’s look at said facts….
Things that our new house has that our old house does not:
2 ½ more bathrooms
Another bedroom
A whole other living room
Carpet
A front porch
A deck
More windows
A daycare!!
These things all involve spending money.
A brief inventory of what we’ll need:
Things like soap dispensers, shower curtains, toothbrush holders and all that stuff that bathrooms involve.
There is NO furniture in our second spare room.
We only have one couch and one rocking chair for two living rooms. We don’t have a functional vacuum cleaner because we have hard wood in the old house.
We will only be able to stand on our deck or porch because there is no furniture out there.
Thank God the window shades convey, cause we won’t be having curtains at most of the windows.
A new washing machine because our disgusting water ruined our old one.
3 port-a-cribs, 2 highchairs, 2 swings, and a collection of sippy cups and other baby paraphernalia.
A look at the cost of what we’ve already either purchased or will soon:
$1600 for furniture for the family room
$1200 for a new washing machine
$60 per port-a-crib, swing, or highchair, minimum
This is unreal to me. I don’t spend money without serious remorse. I’m about to take a load of gift cards to Target to get towels and such that we had on our registry, and to get it all matched up and such. I feel bad spending gift cards, for crying out loud!!!! So, $1200 for a front loading washer last night made me nearly puke.
Now here’s the kicker: most retail chains have started using reusable plastic totes for shipping. That’s fantastic, and I applaud their green efforts. But that means you can’t get boxes when you’re going to move. We NO KIDDING had to buy boxes. Costco sells a moving kit. It includes like 50 boxes, 5 rolls of bubble wrap, packing paper, tape, and dispensers. Unbelievable. We’ll use them about a million times, I promise. But I feel so consumery.
Okay, I have to go pack in said boxes. How can moving be so fun AND suck so much!!??!
I was about to post this to My Space, but realized that a lot of people would consider it bragging or bellyaching about good fortune. Heaven forbid I just gripped, ya know?
As I was talking with Candy earlier, I came to a startling revelation. Moving costs a whole bunch of money!! Not just the cost of the house. I mean, we’re getting a heck of a deal on that. But let’s take a minute to look at the unexpected expenses that come from “bettering your situation”. Before you read this and assume we’re made of money, I’d point out that I’m changing jobs namely so we can afford this dang house (and to avoid the therapy that would result from me continuing in my current line of work), and that we are rolling spare change to make this work. This is by no means any matter of braggy post, but is also not so much a rant either. It’s just a statement of fact. Let’s look at said facts….
Things that our new house has that our old house does not:
2 ½ more bathrooms
Another bedroom
A whole other living room
Carpet
A front porch
A deck
More windows
A daycare!!
These things all involve spending money.
A brief inventory of what we’ll need:
Things like soap dispensers, shower curtains, toothbrush holders and all that stuff that bathrooms involve.
There is NO furniture in our second spare room.
We only have one couch and one rocking chair for two living rooms. We don’t have a functional vacuum cleaner because we have hard wood in the old house.
We will only be able to stand on our deck or porch because there is no furniture out there.
Thank God the window shades convey, cause we won’t be having curtains at most of the windows.
A new washing machine because our disgusting water ruined our old one.
3 port-a-cribs, 2 highchairs, 2 swings, and a collection of sippy cups and other baby paraphernalia.
A look at the cost of what we’ve already either purchased or will soon:
$1600 for furniture for the family room
$1200 for a new washing machine
$60 per port-a-crib, swing, or highchair, minimum
This is unreal to me. I don’t spend money without serious remorse. I’m about to take a load of gift cards to Target to get towels and such that we had on our registry, and to get it all matched up and such. I feel bad spending gift cards, for crying out loud!!!! So, $1200 for a front loading washer last night made me nearly puke.
Now here’s the kicker: most retail chains have started using reusable plastic totes for shipping. That’s fantastic, and I applaud their green efforts. But that means you can’t get boxes when you’re going to move. We NO KIDDING had to buy boxes. Costco sells a moving kit. It includes like 50 boxes, 5 rolls of bubble wrap, packing paper, tape, and dispensers. Unbelievable. We’ll use them about a million times, I promise. But I feel so consumery.
Okay, I have to go pack in said boxes. How can moving be so fun AND suck so much!!??!
Random Stuff
Originally posted to Livejournal on May 23, 2007.
Well, I am beat. Absolutely dead beat. I totally won't go into it, so go read my My Space blog if you want details of the day. Sucked, and I am exhausted. I hate when bad stuff happens while Hubby is away. I really do rely on him just to make sure I don't lose my mind half the time. He keeps me grounded. And now, on top of all the car stuff...........
The renters who are in our new house may not be out by our closing date. Or our moving date. Or even the date that our loan rate is guaranteed through. Fan-freaking-tastic. Hubby and I are both totally out of our minds over this. Yes, we realize we have legal recourse. But we are buying this house from friends. We'd like to keep them that way. I personally believe that the renters need to get out of my house on our closing date, find a hotel, and maybe sue their builder. But get out of my house first and foremost. This stands to mess up not just our closing and moving dates, but also the time when I can start my hew daycare job, the date that i can be done with driving all day, and the date that my cousin is supposed to move into our rental. If we miss our loan date, then we cannot (absolutely CANNOT) get approved again, because hubby changed jobs. This is most important. We will have no loan, no house, I will have no job, and we will have no place to live. I am a tad bit worried.
In addition, I am two days late. The last thought on our minds right now is a baby. No big deal, if I am PG. We plan to use cloth diapers and breast feed already, so having a baby might be the cheapest thing we've done in a year! But, I am not really wanting to be PG right this instant. I have a few symptoms, less than last time, so it could be side-effects again. Either way, I am not in the mood to have to wonder. I'll pee on a stick on Friday if need be. Till then, who knows.
I am off to sack on the couch and watch more Tudors. Excellent show, really.
Well, I am beat. Absolutely dead beat. I totally won't go into it, so go read my My Space blog if you want details of the day. Sucked, and I am exhausted. I hate when bad stuff happens while Hubby is away. I really do rely on him just to make sure I don't lose my mind half the time. He keeps me grounded. And now, on top of all the car stuff...........
The renters who are in our new house may not be out by our closing date. Or our moving date. Or even the date that our loan rate is guaranteed through. Fan-freaking-tastic. Hubby and I are both totally out of our minds over this. Yes, we realize we have legal recourse. But we are buying this house from friends. We'd like to keep them that way. I personally believe that the renters need to get out of my house on our closing date, find a hotel, and maybe sue their builder. But get out of my house first and foremost. This stands to mess up not just our closing and moving dates, but also the time when I can start my hew daycare job, the date that i can be done with driving all day, and the date that my cousin is supposed to move into our rental. If we miss our loan date, then we cannot (absolutely CANNOT) get approved again, because hubby changed jobs. This is most important. We will have no loan, no house, I will have no job, and we will have no place to live. I am a tad bit worried.
In addition, I am two days late. The last thought on our minds right now is a baby. No big deal, if I am PG. We plan to use cloth diapers and breast feed already, so having a baby might be the cheapest thing we've done in a year! But, I am not really wanting to be PG right this instant. I have a few symptoms, less than last time, so it could be side-effects again. Either way, I am not in the mood to have to wonder. I'll pee on a stick on Friday if need be. Till then, who knows.
I am off to sack on the couch and watch more Tudors. Excellent show, really.
Doctor Visit Today
Originally posted to Livejournal on May 1, 2007.
Warning: The following post will deal with matters of a physical nature and is brought to you by the words "gynecological", "thyroid", and a few numbers. Please feel free to skip it. Heck, I would. It's of no interst to anyone but me, but I need to get it out or else I'll sit around and rehash it with anyone willing to sit still long enough. And even those who don't want to, but have the misfortune of being related (or married!) to me. :) So, feel free to skip it. Unless you're particularly interested in thyroid function. Woo hoo, what a topic.
My ob-gyn has had me on a 1500 calorie, diabetic diet. Which I have to say, can work wonders. IF you want to eat that much food. Which I don't. At all. So, you'd think I'd be losing weight like a mad woman, right? Wrong. I've stayed the same some months, gained others, lost about 4 pounds right before the wedding. Which means that going in there every 1 1/2 to 3 months has been horrible and has allowed me to feel like an abject failure on a regular basis. Cause I need help with that?
Last time I was in was around January. We've switched to every six months to avoid killing the bank account with co-pays. Forget the fact that our new insurance isn't local and no one here takes it, so after June it's a crap-shoot. But, I digress. I went in sometime in January. Slush (my cool doc) informed me that she would be referring me to an endochronologist in May....the link can let you know what that is, if you don't have the extreme privilege of needing one of these in your collection of doctors. Basically to me, that's admitting failure. That's saying that my body is so messed up, and is so mis-constructed, that I need to go to UVA to get someone to figure it out. Now, don't get me wrong. The minute I need an endo in order to get preggo, I'm THERE. With bells on and my clothes off. No prob Bob. But not yet. I'm not ready to be that broken. But, something is just not working. Let's run down the list of things we do right around here:
1. everything is low fat, fat free, low sugar, or sugar free. We use sucanot instead of any other sugar or substitute so as to avoid the nasty side effects of those
2. we limit soy, as it is evil to your thyroid.
3. we use home-milled grain for the health benefits (and it's far yummier than dead wheat)
4. we use as much organic stuff as possible to avoid additives and high fructose corn syrup
5. we use only the leanest beef I can find, like Laura's Lean Beef, which is 96% fat free
6. we follow the ADA 1500 calorie diabetic diet
7. occasionally, my fat self moves a little
8. sodas are a no-no, and most caffiene is, too. I drink copious amounts of green tea.
Um, what am I doing wrong? No endo, please. I don't want to be that broken.
SOOOOO, today I return to Slush. So she can do the pap shhhmear dance with my cervix. Love that, really. I informed her that Yasmin is evil and I refuse to continue taking it on the basis that it is ruining my already pretty messed up body. No problem, back to my favorite BCP, Desogen. And the angels sang Hallelujah..... Then, I told her that I wanted my TSH panel retested to find out if my thyroid had moved out and gotten it's own apartment or what. And I asked if it was possible to aggressively treat hypothyroidism even if I'm "borderline", which I was last time. Since I have like 90% of the symptoms and all.... She said sure, and that she actually prescribes synthroid to anyone whose TSH is above a 3.
Apparently .3 - 3.0 is considered fine, and anything above 3 is hypothyroidism. But that number is also up for debate, as they think maybe the standards (up to 6, not 3) were too high and people were missing the synthroid boat. So, if I'm at 3, we'll add yet another drug to my body so that I can get knocked up without taking Clomid, a drug.....Does this make sense? Nah, but let's do it. I'm game.
Well, she checked my chart, and whaddaya know. I was 2.9 last time. Um, THAT'S THREE, isn't it??? How have I been a year without retest or treatment if I was practically AT treatable levels before?!!?! This is a great doc, don't get me wrong. I love this woman for what she has done and will do for me. She ROCKS. But, 2.9?!?! Eesh. No wonder I feel so swell. Seriously, read the symptoms. Welcome to my life. FUN stuff, man.
So, I promptly went to the lab, gave them a vial of Andrea's finest, and off I went, feeling justified. Had a rockin' day, actually. Sad to be hoping for a high TSH because I think I'll feel better with this fixed. Hm. Keep ya posted.
Now, off to Verizon to find out why a phone I spent $250 on exactly a month ago won't boot up. Fun stuff. Thank you for reading, and we know return you to your regularly scheduled surfing......
Warning: The following post will deal with matters of a physical nature and is brought to you by the words "gynecological", "thyroid", and a few numbers. Please feel free to skip it. Heck, I would. It's of no interst to anyone but me, but I need to get it out or else I'll sit around and rehash it with anyone willing to sit still long enough. And even those who don't want to, but have the misfortune of being related (or married!) to me. :) So, feel free to skip it. Unless you're particularly interested in thyroid function. Woo hoo, what a topic.
My ob-gyn has had me on a 1500 calorie, diabetic diet. Which I have to say, can work wonders. IF you want to eat that much food. Which I don't. At all. So, you'd think I'd be losing weight like a mad woman, right? Wrong. I've stayed the same some months, gained others, lost about 4 pounds right before the wedding. Which means that going in there every 1 1/2 to 3 months has been horrible and has allowed me to feel like an abject failure on a regular basis. Cause I need help with that?
Last time I was in was around January. We've switched to every six months to avoid killing the bank account with co-pays. Forget the fact that our new insurance isn't local and no one here takes it, so after June it's a crap-shoot. But, I digress. I went in sometime in January. Slush (my cool doc) informed me that she would be referring me to an endochronologist in May....the link can let you know what that is, if you don't have the extreme privilege of needing one of these in your collection of doctors. Basically to me, that's admitting failure. That's saying that my body is so messed up, and is so mis-constructed, that I need to go to UVA to get someone to figure it out. Now, don't get me wrong. The minute I need an endo in order to get preggo, I'm THERE. With bells on and my clothes off. No prob Bob. But not yet. I'm not ready to be that broken. But, something is just not working. Let's run down the list of things we do right around here:
1. everything is low fat, fat free, low sugar, or sugar free. We use sucanot instead of any other sugar or substitute so as to avoid the nasty side effects of those
2. we limit soy, as it is evil to your thyroid.
3. we use home-milled grain for the health benefits (and it's far yummier than dead wheat)
4. we use as much organic stuff as possible to avoid additives and high fructose corn syrup
5. we use only the leanest beef I can find, like Laura's Lean Beef, which is 96% fat free
6. we follow the ADA 1500 calorie diabetic diet
7. occasionally, my fat self moves a little
8. sodas are a no-no, and most caffiene is, too. I drink copious amounts of green tea.
Um, what am I doing wrong? No endo, please. I don't want to be that broken.
SOOOOO, today I return to Slush. So she can do the pap shhhmear dance with my cervix. Love that, really. I informed her that Yasmin is evil and I refuse to continue taking it on the basis that it is ruining my already pretty messed up body. No problem, back to my favorite BCP, Desogen. And the angels sang Hallelujah..... Then, I told her that I wanted my TSH panel retested to find out if my thyroid had moved out and gotten it's own apartment or what. And I asked if it was possible to aggressively treat hypothyroidism even if I'm "borderline", which I was last time. Since I have like 90% of the symptoms and all.... She said sure, and that she actually prescribes synthroid to anyone whose TSH is above a 3.
Apparently .3 - 3.0 is considered fine, and anything above 3 is hypothyroidism. But that number is also up for debate, as they think maybe the standards (up to 6, not 3) were too high and people were missing the synthroid boat. So, if I'm at 3, we'll add yet another drug to my body so that I can get knocked up without taking Clomid, a drug.....Does this make sense? Nah, but let's do it. I'm game.
Well, she checked my chart, and whaddaya know. I was 2.9 last time. Um, THAT'S THREE, isn't it??? How have I been a year without retest or treatment if I was practically AT treatable levels before?!!?! This is a great doc, don't get me wrong. I love this woman for what she has done and will do for me. She ROCKS. But, 2.9?!?! Eesh. No wonder I feel so swell. Seriously, read the symptoms. Welcome to my life. FUN stuff, man.
So, I promptly went to the lab, gave them a vial of Andrea's finest, and off I went, feeling justified. Had a rockin' day, actually. Sad to be hoping for a high TSH because I think I'll feel better with this fixed. Hm. Keep ya posted.
Now, off to Verizon to find out why a phone I spent $250 on exactly a month ago won't boot up. Fun stuff. Thank you for reading, and we know return you to your regularly scheduled surfing......
Pissed-off Rant
Originally posted to Livejournal on April 21, 2007.
Okay, I'm pissed. I'm going to rant a little bit. I will not be naming names because I may eventually make this blog address known. Meanwhile, I usually write this blog assuming that Sealgair will be the only one reading it. I basically consider it a chance to purge my soul and a conversation all at the same time.
For this little rant, you have to have some background. I'm going to caution you right off that this is going to be a bit Christian for some people (not just Sealgair -- I'm assuming others do surf on in). If you know me, you know I'm a Christian. Get over it. I am probably the most open-minded Christian around, and I have friends of many faiths and no faith. So this is MY opinion. The way I choose to live. But it does let you know where I'm coming from.
Before we got married, a friend gave us a book. It's a guide to having a Biblical marriage, the way God has created us. It's a matter of using one's God-given skills. In supporting your husband by being his helper and letting him be the head of the household. Does that mean I don't make decisions, have free will or anything else that opponents of this philosophy usually tout out? Not at all. Brian and I are equal partners in our marriage. I just make it a POINT to have a different outlook on life than the way I was raised, and I refuse to accept society's definition of "wife" because I think it's a road to hell FOR ME. Note -- not you. ME. I happily put my husband's needs ahead of my own, and way ahead of everyone else's. I will do the same thing when we have children. My husband and children will always come first, and I consider providing a good house and life for them my God-given JOB.
You might think this is the way I was raised to view marriage. You could NOT be further from the truth. My mom was a proud feminist and wouldn't have served a man if he had a gun to her head. Now, I'm NOT saying that she was wrong. She was a great mom and wonderful wife, keeping a clean and functional home at a time when not many people gave a hoot about such things. But she was not raised to be a help meet and probably doesn't even know what that word means. I am educating myself in this regard and think that most likely I will always be alone on this path. No big deal -- that MUST mean I'm doing what God wants me to do. Usually being alone is a clue on that one. No, this is definitely a journey for me. This is LEARNED behavior and attitudes. I spend some time each day reading and researching, and studying my Bible. Surprise, folks, I actually still study. I think when you stop learning and growing, you commence dying. I do not have all the answers, and I believe that by looking further into God's word to ME, I will find my true place.
On my journey to be the help meet that God has created me to be, I am re-learning a lot of things. Like my ATTITUDE. Which has been pretty bad in the past. I considered housework "chores" and dreaded them. I let myself get sidetracked and considered it a horrible crime when my husband put a dirty dish in the sink rather than putting it in the dishwasher. Or if I had to ask twice that the trash make it to the Dumpster (it's tall, I'm not). Now, bear in mind, I LOVE to clean. But because I considered it just Neanderthal that I had to do it all while Brian was doing something meaningless (you know, like working 80 hours to bring home our living), I was disgruntled over it. See how dumb that sounds?!? So, I'm changing my thinking. I am making it a point to consider my work around the house my JOB, and I do it to the absolute glory of God. And in turn, to make a nice house for Brian to live in. A place where he can come after about 80 hours and relax without worrying what his wife needs done. One of the keys to this is JOY. As in being happy and joyful in my life. That means getting up every morning and making a conscious choice to be the very best person and wife possible.
Now, see, I don't think this sounds like a bad thing. But I have already gotten grief about this. People who scoff and ridicule something that not only do they not understand, but that they haven't even bothered to consider. I hear the disappointment and judgment in peoples' voices when I decline an offer to waste time so that I might get work done or cook a nice dinner, or GASP! spend time with my husband. Now, I know some people might be taking offense if you're reading this. Did I say your name? No. So move on and keep reading.
I am trying to better myself. I am trying to be the person I am meant to be. I am TRYING to be what God has created me to be. How does that deserve ridicule?? Or belittling? How is it that I have to be tolerant of everyone else's opinions, beliefs, and religion, but I have to apologize and feel out of place for mine? Please. I will be joyful. I will be prudent with my resources. I will LOVE MY HUSBAND, and no one will change my mind that this is where I need to be headed. I've seen the rewards in a matter of weeks. I know how good this feels -- and it's GREAT. I am loved and cherished by the only man that matters, and so I can take the nasty little digs and keep going. It is my prayer that everyone else can do the same thing. Whatever your religion or viewpoint, I pray that you receive understanding from your friends, and support from your families. Because it truly sucks the other way.
Okay, if you made it through that, you get a gold star. If you didn't, we'll now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging. I intended to write about Earth Day and some things that we are doing around our house now to make our footprint on the world a little bit smaller. Okay, not so much about Earth Day as some things that I think warrant spreading around. Things that I only found out about and considered because someone else first posted the information where I could read it.
Right now, we're waiting on our reusable grocery bags to arrive. We've recently purchased a membership to Costco, because we are sheep. Seriously, though, it's saving us money. A lot of money. I recommend it if you need to consider your budget. However, at Costco they give you these messed up half-boxes to carry your ginormous groceries home. What good is a half a box?? We bring them home, unload them, and they sit in the dining room waiting to be re-purposed.....and then we throw them away for lack of a better use. Sad, really. I've been feeling guilty about not using reusable bags for a long time now, and we finally decided to do something about it. But, wouldn't you know it....they're expensive as all get out. After a LOT of looking, I finally found some excellent bags and they're affordable. Miracle of miracles. So, I'm passing the information along to my friends. I found them at www.ecobags.com. They were invented in Ireland, I believe, and have been used in Australia and New Zealand for years. I wasn't able to find a US supplier for a bit, but Eco Bags came through. If you'd like, here is the linky: Green Bags at Eco Bags.
The other thing we've done is just for me. This should probably go under the header of "state of cooter affairs", but it'll have to fit in here :) And I'll cut away for any boys reading....
.I've switched to reusable pads. Not scratch pads. Menstrual pads. Okay, go dance around the room and say "ick", Sealgair. Then come back. I have two words: Comfy Cootchie. Which sounds better: the same disposable but no biodegradable pads we've used since middle school, or nice fleece pads in pretty colors? There ya go. Comfy cootchies. I mean, is your period even vaguely a happy time? Wouldn't being comfortable and helping the environment all at the same time make it just a little bit better? I thought they'd be a lot of work, but not at all. Of course, I am not, um..uh, a big bleeder? But even still, rinse em out and then toss em in the wash. No worse than underwear or washcloths. And did I mention comfy? And you can save BUNDLES of cash. You buy them once, they last at least five years, and wam bam, you never buy Kotex again. I found lots of options for them, including Glad Rags, Hag Rags, tons of sites with "luna", "rag", or "cloth" in them. Do a Google search. Or look for "Momma Cloth". You will find literal tons of information. Or, you can save time and go here for the best prices and coolest designs: www.lunapads.com. I love me some Luna Pads. I can honestly say my period didn't suck this past month, and that I'm not dreading it this month. And I'm not filling up the landfill. Takes me about two seconds to add them to my wash. Viola, better earth and, say it with me, Comfy Cootchie.
I'm working on using less chemicals around our house, too. Vinegar cleans EVERYTHING. And I am so not exaggerating. I have been totally amazed this week. Go getcha some white vinegar, mix it equal parts with water and go to town. I'm currently looking for a really, really cheap source for essential oil to add to make it all smell nice, but it's not necessary. The vinegar smell dissipates after the surface dries. For grease, sprinkle with baking soda, spray with vinegar, and watch the bubbles. No chemicals down the drain or in the wash, especially nice if you're in the Bay watershed!
Okay, this has been a marathon long blog. I guess if I stay away long enough, then I have to purge myself when I do show up. I'll try to be better. I FEEL better. Thank you all for listening!
Okay, I'm pissed. I'm going to rant a little bit. I will not be naming names because I may eventually make this blog address known. Meanwhile, I usually write this blog assuming that Sealgair will be the only one reading it. I basically consider it a chance to purge my soul and a conversation all at the same time.
For this little rant, you have to have some background. I'm going to caution you right off that this is going to be a bit Christian for some people (not just Sealgair -- I'm assuming others do surf on in). If you know me, you know I'm a Christian. Get over it. I am probably the most open-minded Christian around, and I have friends of many faiths and no faith. So this is MY opinion. The way I choose to live. But it does let you know where I'm coming from.
Before we got married, a friend gave us a book. It's a guide to having a Biblical marriage, the way God has created us. It's a matter of using one's God-given skills. In supporting your husband by being his helper and letting him be the head of the household. Does that mean I don't make decisions, have free will or anything else that opponents of this philosophy usually tout out? Not at all. Brian and I are equal partners in our marriage. I just make it a POINT to have a different outlook on life than the way I was raised, and I refuse to accept society's definition of "wife" because I think it's a road to hell FOR ME. Note -- not you. ME. I happily put my husband's needs ahead of my own, and way ahead of everyone else's. I will do the same thing when we have children. My husband and children will always come first, and I consider providing a good house and life for them my God-given JOB.
You might think this is the way I was raised to view marriage. You could NOT be further from the truth. My mom was a proud feminist and wouldn't have served a man if he had a gun to her head. Now, I'm NOT saying that she was wrong. She was a great mom and wonderful wife, keeping a clean and functional home at a time when not many people gave a hoot about such things. But she was not raised to be a help meet and probably doesn't even know what that word means. I am educating myself in this regard and think that most likely I will always be alone on this path. No big deal -- that MUST mean I'm doing what God wants me to do. Usually being alone is a clue on that one. No, this is definitely a journey for me. This is LEARNED behavior and attitudes. I spend some time each day reading and researching, and studying my Bible. Surprise, folks, I actually still study. I think when you stop learning and growing, you commence dying. I do not have all the answers, and I believe that by looking further into God's word to ME, I will find my true place.
On my journey to be the help meet that God has created me to be, I am re-learning a lot of things. Like my ATTITUDE. Which has been pretty bad in the past. I considered housework "chores" and dreaded them. I let myself get sidetracked and considered it a horrible crime when my husband put a dirty dish in the sink rather than putting it in the dishwasher. Or if I had to ask twice that the trash make it to the Dumpster (it's tall, I'm not). Now, bear in mind, I LOVE to clean. But because I considered it just Neanderthal that I had to do it all while Brian was doing something meaningless (you know, like working 80 hours to bring home our living), I was disgruntled over it. See how dumb that sounds?!? So, I'm changing my thinking. I am making it a point to consider my work around the house my JOB, and I do it to the absolute glory of God. And in turn, to make a nice house for Brian to live in. A place where he can come after about 80 hours and relax without worrying what his wife needs done. One of the keys to this is JOY. As in being happy and joyful in my life. That means getting up every morning and making a conscious choice to be the very best person and wife possible.
Now, see, I don't think this sounds like a bad thing. But I have already gotten grief about this. People who scoff and ridicule something that not only do they not understand, but that they haven't even bothered to consider. I hear the disappointment and judgment in peoples' voices when I decline an offer to waste time so that I might get work done or cook a nice dinner, or GASP! spend time with my husband. Now, I know some people might be taking offense if you're reading this. Did I say your name? No. So move on and keep reading.
I am trying to better myself. I am trying to be the person I am meant to be. I am TRYING to be what God has created me to be. How does that deserve ridicule?? Or belittling? How is it that I have to be tolerant of everyone else's opinions, beliefs, and religion, but I have to apologize and feel out of place for mine? Please. I will be joyful. I will be prudent with my resources. I will LOVE MY HUSBAND, and no one will change my mind that this is where I need to be headed. I've seen the rewards in a matter of weeks. I know how good this feels -- and it's GREAT. I am loved and cherished by the only man that matters, and so I can take the nasty little digs and keep going. It is my prayer that everyone else can do the same thing. Whatever your religion or viewpoint, I pray that you receive understanding from your friends, and support from your families. Because it truly sucks the other way.
Okay, if you made it through that, you get a gold star. If you didn't, we'll now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging. I intended to write about Earth Day and some things that we are doing around our house now to make our footprint on the world a little bit smaller. Okay, not so much about Earth Day as some things that I think warrant spreading around. Things that I only found out about and considered because someone else first posted the information where I could read it.
Right now, we're waiting on our reusable grocery bags to arrive. We've recently purchased a membership to Costco, because we are sheep. Seriously, though, it's saving us money. A lot of money. I recommend it if you need to consider your budget. However, at Costco they give you these messed up half-boxes to carry your ginormous groceries home. What good is a half a box?? We bring them home, unload them, and they sit in the dining room waiting to be re-purposed.....and then we throw them away for lack of a better use. Sad, really. I've been feeling guilty about not using reusable bags for a long time now, and we finally decided to do something about it. But, wouldn't you know it....they're expensive as all get out. After a LOT of looking, I finally found some excellent bags and they're affordable. Miracle of miracles. So, I'm passing the information along to my friends. I found them at www.ecobags.com. They were invented in Ireland, I believe, and have been used in Australia and New Zealand for years. I wasn't able to find a US supplier for a bit, but Eco Bags came through. If you'd like, here is the linky: Green Bags at Eco Bags.
The other thing we've done is just for me. This should probably go under the header of "state of cooter affairs", but it'll have to fit in here :) And I'll cut away for any boys reading....
.I've switched to reusable pads. Not scratch pads. Menstrual pads. Okay, go dance around the room and say "ick", Sealgair. Then come back. I have two words: Comfy Cootchie. Which sounds better: the same disposable but no biodegradable pads we've used since middle school, or nice fleece pads in pretty colors? There ya go. Comfy cootchies. I mean, is your period even vaguely a happy time? Wouldn't being comfortable and helping the environment all at the same time make it just a little bit better? I thought they'd be a lot of work, but not at all. Of course, I am not, um..uh, a big bleeder? But even still, rinse em out and then toss em in the wash. No worse than underwear or washcloths. And did I mention comfy? And you can save BUNDLES of cash. You buy them once, they last at least five years, and wam bam, you never buy Kotex again. I found lots of options for them, including Glad Rags, Hag Rags, tons of sites with "luna", "rag", or "cloth" in them. Do a Google search. Or look for "Momma Cloth". You will find literal tons of information. Or, you can save time and go here for the best prices and coolest designs: www.lunapads.com. I love me some Luna Pads. I can honestly say my period didn't suck this past month, and that I'm not dreading it this month. And I'm not filling up the landfill. Takes me about two seconds to add them to my wash. Viola, better earth and, say it with me, Comfy Cootchie.
I'm working on using less chemicals around our house, too. Vinegar cleans EVERYTHING. And I am so not exaggerating. I have been totally amazed this week. Go getcha some white vinegar, mix it equal parts with water and go to town. I'm currently looking for a really, really cheap source for essential oil to add to make it all smell nice, but it's not necessary. The vinegar smell dissipates after the surface dries. For grease, sprinkle with baking soda, spray with vinegar, and watch the bubbles. No chemicals down the drain or in the wash, especially nice if you're in the Bay watershed!
Okay, this has been a marathon long blog. I guess if I stay away long enough, then I have to purge myself when I do show up. I'll try to be better. I FEEL better. Thank you all for listening!
Slippery Adventures in Baileysland
Originally posted to Livejournal on April 3, 2007.
It's been a little while since I posted. It's been nuts around our place.
Here is just a little glimpse of the fun we have around our house:
Last night, Brian went to the laundry room to get a load of clothes out of the dryer. Unfortunately, if you don't shut our door to the laundry room just right, it takes Merle about 10 seconds pop the door and get out to the laundry room and gorge himself on the cheap outside cat food. Aka, junk food. It's like potato chips and candy to a four year old. So, Merle and Tiny broke into the laundry room and commenced wrecking havoc. Very quietly. So, we didn't really act until we heard The Crash. Brian went to investigate and returned with a crucial question:
"How do you clean soap?"
"HUH?"
"How do you clean up detergent?"
I said "HOW MUCH!?"
"....a bit..."
I ran off to the laundry room to see what the heck he was talking about. The next four or five hundred words out of my mouth mostly aren't fit for public reading.
See, here's the back-story: last Monday, I spent like $25 at Costco on a big honkin' thing of laundry detergent. The kind with the tap. A for-real TAP.
As I came through the laundry room door, I saw....detergent. I'd like to say 'a tide of Tide', but it was Free and Clear, not Tide. But it was TWO INCHES DEEP on my laundry room floor. Apparently Merle and/or Tiny had knocked this Keg 'o Suds on the floor and it landed on it's little vent-top thingy. Which shattered, and so commenced the wave of gooey, viscous, soapy liquid. It covered the floor, a lawn chair, several garden implements, my floor steamer, and various other laundry room debris.
The next words out of my mouth will let you know how my priorities have changed since we put the contract on the house:
"That cost like $30!!"
To which Brian replied, "It's still about half-full." My optimistic man.
At this point we stopped and thought through our options. I know one of us then pointed out the fact that you simply can't put water on that. Nooo kidding. Now we know for sure that it takes 45 minutes, 1 entire roll of paper towels (also purchased at Costco and so cheap, thank God), 1 dumpster, and a whole trashcan to clean up a detergent spill. Or rather, to clean it enough so that you can slip-slide your way into bed around 2:15 with a firm battle plan for tomorrow. Which involved Brian, a mop, and a bucket of vinegar and water. Which worked FANTASTIC. Little tip from your Aunt Andi: vinegar cleans everything. Even detergent. That floor looks great, thanks to Brian.
We totally consider this training for kids -- as in, we've conquered detergent, I'm good to go with kid-poop, and maybe we can work up to vomit. Maybe. You wouldn't think detergent is nasty...but it's foul when it's in a huge puddle on your already not-so-well-swept floor.
Laugh it up. We eventually did :)
It's been a little while since I posted. It's been nuts around our place.
Here is just a little glimpse of the fun we have around our house:
Last night, Brian went to the laundry room to get a load of clothes out of the dryer. Unfortunately, if you don't shut our door to the laundry room just right, it takes Merle about 10 seconds pop the door and get out to the laundry room and gorge himself on the cheap outside cat food. Aka, junk food. It's like potato chips and candy to a four year old. So, Merle and Tiny broke into the laundry room and commenced wrecking havoc. Very quietly. So, we didn't really act until we heard The Crash. Brian went to investigate and returned with a crucial question:
"How do you clean soap?"
"HUH?"
"How do you clean up detergent?"
I said "HOW MUCH!?"
"....a bit..."
I ran off to the laundry room to see what the heck he was talking about. The next four or five hundred words out of my mouth mostly aren't fit for public reading.
See, here's the back-story: last Monday, I spent like $25 at Costco on a big honkin' thing of laundry detergent. The kind with the tap. A for-real TAP.
As I came through the laundry room door, I saw....detergent. I'd like to say 'a tide of Tide', but it was Free and Clear, not Tide. But it was TWO INCHES DEEP on my laundry room floor. Apparently Merle and/or Tiny had knocked this Keg 'o Suds on the floor and it landed on it's little vent-top thingy. Which shattered, and so commenced the wave of gooey, viscous, soapy liquid. It covered the floor, a lawn chair, several garden implements, my floor steamer, and various other laundry room debris.
The next words out of my mouth will let you know how my priorities have changed since we put the contract on the house:
"That cost like $30!!"
To which Brian replied, "It's still about half-full." My optimistic man.
At this point we stopped and thought through our options. I know one of us then pointed out the fact that you simply can't put water on that. Nooo kidding. Now we know for sure that it takes 45 minutes, 1 entire roll of paper towels (also purchased at Costco and so cheap, thank God), 1 dumpster, and a whole trashcan to clean up a detergent spill. Or rather, to clean it enough so that you can slip-slide your way into bed around 2:15 with a firm battle plan for tomorrow. Which involved Brian, a mop, and a bucket of vinegar and water. Which worked FANTASTIC. Little tip from your Aunt Andi: vinegar cleans everything. Even detergent. That floor looks great, thanks to Brian.
We totally consider this training for kids -- as in, we've conquered detergent, I'm good to go with kid-poop, and maybe we can work up to vomit. Maybe. You wouldn't think detergent is nasty...but it's foul when it's in a huge puddle on your already not-so-well-swept floor.
Laugh it up. We eventually did :)
Post I LIke And Wanted To Save
Originally posted to Livejournal on March 20, 2007.
Found this great essay on a message board and felt it needs to be saved somewhere. So, here it is. Don't read it if you don't feel you need to, but this is important to me.
Infertility Etiquette
By Vita Alligood
Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. Most infertility treatments involve using hormones, which alter the user's moods. (That statement is like calling a lion a cat-my husband would tell you that the side effect is insanity!) The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money. Infertility treatments are expensive, and most insurance companies do not cover the costs. So, in addition to the pain of not conceiving a baby each month, the couple pays out anywhere from $300 to five figures, depending upon the treatment used.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
* They will eventually conceive a baby.
* They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
* They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.
Don't Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don't Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.
People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"
There are many reasons why a couple would choose not to pursue this option. Here are a few of them.
IVF is Expensive with Low Odds
One cycle of IVF is very expensive. With all of the hype in the news, many people assume that IVF is a sure thing when, in fact, the odds of success for each cycle are low. Most couples cannot afford to try for one month, much less for multiple times. Considering that it also costs a significant amount of money to adopt a baby, many couples opt for the "sure thing" rather then risking their money on much lower odds.
IVF is Physically Taxing
Undergoing IVF treatments is very rigorous. The woman must inject shots into her thigh daily to cause her ovaries to superovulate. The drugs used are very taxing on the woman, and they can cause her to be become extremely emotional.
IVF Raises Ethical Issues
Ironically, couples who undergo IVF to become parents may have to selectively abort one or more fetuses if multiple eggs are fertilized. Many couples cannot bring themselves to abort a baby when they have worked so hard to become parents. If the couple chooses not to selectively abort, they run the risk of multiple births.
Don't Offer Unsolicited Opinions If They Are Trying IVF
On the flip side of the coin, don't offer unsolicited advice to your friends who do choose to try IVF. For many couples, IVF is the only way they will ever give birth to a baby. This is a huge decision for them to make, for all of the reasons I outlined above.
If the couple has resolved any ethical issues, don't muddy the waters. IVF is a gray area in many ethical circles, and many of our moral leaders don't yet know how to answer the ethical questions that have arisen from this new technology. If the couple has resolved these issues already, you only make it harder by raising the ethical questions again. Respect their decision, and offer your support. If you can't offer your support due to ethical differences of opinion, then say nothing.
A couple who chooses the IVF route has a hard, expensive road ahead, and they need your support more than ever. The hormones are no cakewalk, and the financial cost is enormous. Your friend would not be going this route if there were an easier way, and the fact that she is willing to endure so much is further proof of how much she truly wants to parent a child. The hormones will make her more emotional, so offer her your support and keep your questions to yourself.
Don't Play Doctor
Once your infertile friends are under a doctor's care, the doctor will run them through numerous tests to determine why they aren't able to conceive. There a numerous reasons that a couple may not be able to conceive. Here are a few of them:
* Blocked fallopian tubes
* Cysts
* Endometriosis
* Low hormone levels
* Low "normal form" sperm count
* Low progesterone level
* Low sperm count
* Low sperm motility
* Thin uterine walls
Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose, and reading an article or book on infertility will not make you an "expert" on the subject. Let your friends work with their doctor to diagnose and treat the problem. Your friends probably already know more about the causes and solutions of infertility than you will ever know.
You may feel like you are being helpful by reading up on infertility, and there is nothing wrong with learning more about the subject. The problem comes when you try to "play doctor" with your friends. They already have a doctor with years of experience in diagnosing and treating the problem. They need to work with and trust their doctor to treat the problem. You only complicate the issue when you throw out other ideas that you have read about. The doctor knows more about the causes and solutions; let your friends work with their doctor to solve the problem.
Don't Be Crude
It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.
Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.
Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.
Don't Push Adoption (Yet)
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.
Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.
Remember Them on Mother's Day
With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments
No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.
Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.
Found this great essay on a message board and felt it needs to be saved somewhere. So, here it is. Don't read it if you don't feel you need to, but this is important to me.
Infertility Etiquette
By Vita Alligood
Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. Most infertility treatments involve using hormones, which alter the user's moods. (That statement is like calling a lion a cat-my husband would tell you that the side effect is insanity!) The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money. Infertility treatments are expensive, and most insurance companies do not cover the costs. So, in addition to the pain of not conceiving a baby each month, the couple pays out anywhere from $300 to five figures, depending upon the treatment used.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
* They will eventually conceive a baby.
* They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
* They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.
Don't Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don't Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.
People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"
There are many reasons why a couple would choose not to pursue this option. Here are a few of them.
IVF is Expensive with Low Odds
One cycle of IVF is very expensive. With all of the hype in the news, many people assume that IVF is a sure thing when, in fact, the odds of success for each cycle are low. Most couples cannot afford to try for one month, much less for multiple times. Considering that it also costs a significant amount of money to adopt a baby, many couples opt for the "sure thing" rather then risking their money on much lower odds.
IVF is Physically Taxing
Undergoing IVF treatments is very rigorous. The woman must inject shots into her thigh daily to cause her ovaries to superovulate. The drugs used are very taxing on the woman, and they can cause her to be become extremely emotional.
IVF Raises Ethical Issues
Ironically, couples who undergo IVF to become parents may have to selectively abort one or more fetuses if multiple eggs are fertilized. Many couples cannot bring themselves to abort a baby when they have worked so hard to become parents. If the couple chooses not to selectively abort, they run the risk of multiple births.
Don't Offer Unsolicited Opinions If They Are Trying IVF
On the flip side of the coin, don't offer unsolicited advice to your friends who do choose to try IVF. For many couples, IVF is the only way they will ever give birth to a baby. This is a huge decision for them to make, for all of the reasons I outlined above.
If the couple has resolved any ethical issues, don't muddy the waters. IVF is a gray area in many ethical circles, and many of our moral leaders don't yet know how to answer the ethical questions that have arisen from this new technology. If the couple has resolved these issues already, you only make it harder by raising the ethical questions again. Respect their decision, and offer your support. If you can't offer your support due to ethical differences of opinion, then say nothing.
A couple who chooses the IVF route has a hard, expensive road ahead, and they need your support more than ever. The hormones are no cakewalk, and the financial cost is enormous. Your friend would not be going this route if there were an easier way, and the fact that she is willing to endure so much is further proof of how much she truly wants to parent a child. The hormones will make her more emotional, so offer her your support and keep your questions to yourself.
Don't Play Doctor
Once your infertile friends are under a doctor's care, the doctor will run them through numerous tests to determine why they aren't able to conceive. There a numerous reasons that a couple may not be able to conceive. Here are a few of them:
* Blocked fallopian tubes
* Cysts
* Endometriosis
* Low hormone levels
* Low "normal form" sperm count
* Low progesterone level
* Low sperm count
* Low sperm motility
* Thin uterine walls
Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose, and reading an article or book on infertility will not make you an "expert" on the subject. Let your friends work with their doctor to diagnose and treat the problem. Your friends probably already know more about the causes and solutions of infertility than you will ever know.
You may feel like you are being helpful by reading up on infertility, and there is nothing wrong with learning more about the subject. The problem comes when you try to "play doctor" with your friends. They already have a doctor with years of experience in diagnosing and treating the problem. They need to work with and trust their doctor to treat the problem. You only complicate the issue when you throw out other ideas that you have read about. The doctor knows more about the causes and solutions; let your friends work with their doctor to solve the problem.
Don't Be Crude
It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.
Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.
Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.
Don't Push Adoption (Yet)
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.
Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.
Remember Them on Mother's Day
With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments
No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.
Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.
Got me a hobby!
Originally posted to Livejournal on March 11, 2007.
I learned to crochet today!! Or, as Candy called it, Crotch it. She taught me a chain stitch and then to go back the other way, whatever that is called. It's simple and I haven't learned a darn thing else, but I am having a ball. Of course, you may be the crazy cat lady if your first project is a blanket to keep the cats from depositing hair over the couch. And if you consequently choose yarn that matches your kitties..... Hm. And if you then have to find a storage method that doesn't allow kitties to eat said yarn. Wasn't getting married supposed to keep me from becoming the crazy cat lady? Didn't work.
Met a new cousin today. He is absolutely perfectly gorgeous and has only fueled the baby flames. I think I'm gonna have to get me one of those....It helped that he is well-behaved (3 weeks old -- what was he gonna do??) and is already a trained snuggler. He lovey-ed up on me (it's the boobs. Baby's love ta-tas) and slept for like two hours. Gotta love you 9 pounds of snuggliness. My cousin and his wife are already great parents -- you can tell because they are terminally annoyed by their niece and nephew, who are awful. We're all annoyed by them, but their parents don't seem to see the need to discipline. Love it. Meanwhile, Porter is absolutely adorable, and needs a warning sticker: CAUTION. Adorable, well-behaved, perfect baby ahead. Desire for one of your own may ensue. Proceed with caution.
I learned to crochet today!! Or, as Candy called it, Crotch it. She taught me a chain stitch and then to go back the other way, whatever that is called. It's simple and I haven't learned a darn thing else, but I am having a ball. Of course, you may be the crazy cat lady if your first project is a blanket to keep the cats from depositing hair over the couch. And if you consequently choose yarn that matches your kitties..... Hm. And if you then have to find a storage method that doesn't allow kitties to eat said yarn. Wasn't getting married supposed to keep me from becoming the crazy cat lady? Didn't work.
Met a new cousin today. He is absolutely perfectly gorgeous and has only fueled the baby flames. I think I'm gonna have to get me one of those....It helped that he is well-behaved (3 weeks old -- what was he gonna do??) and is already a trained snuggler. He lovey-ed up on me (it's the boobs. Baby's love ta-tas) and slept for like two hours. Gotta love you 9 pounds of snuggliness. My cousin and his wife are already great parents -- you can tell because they are terminally annoyed by their niece and nephew, who are awful. We're all annoyed by them, but their parents don't seem to see the need to discipline. Love it. Meanwhile, Porter is absolutely adorable, and needs a warning sticker: CAUTION. Adorable, well-behaved, perfect baby ahead. Desire for one of your own may ensue. Proceed with caution.
Retail Widow
Originally posted to Livejournal on March 9, 2007.
I am bored out of my head. Darling hubby is now working more hours than I can count. I think it's less hours than he worked at Christmas, but I'm not positive. For a while he had Friday evenings off early, or Fridays off altogether. Not anymore. So now I'm alone from the time I get off on Friday until he gets home at 11. The past two Fridays I've been off at either 1 or 1:30....that's 10-11 hours alone. Fun.
DISCLAIMER: I'm sure that someday hubby will read this. We've talked about this, so it's no surprise. I just need to vent. I love you and know that this will get better. I miss you.
Don't get me wrong -- alone time is lovely. And I'm sure I'm having a lot better time than he is. But I'm lonely here. I don't really want to watch TV, read, or clean the house. Stuff I usually do. I don't feel like talking to friends. I want my husband here. He works 12 hours each Saturday. He works from 10 or 12 until closing every Sunday. I don't remember the last time we went to church together. I quit choir to make sure that we could have a least some time together. That's not the only reason, but it's nice to occasionally have a Wednesday night to spend with him.
Now, we used to have Sundays. Then hubby decided that his minions at work need to clean the store on Sundays, since he keeps getting reamed by the DM when the store's not PERFECT. Bear in mind that they outsell the Walmart across the parking lot in dollar amount ROUTINELY and are doing something like 3 times the volume that they used to, but that store has to be perfect. So, hubby and a few dedicated souls stay after closing on Sundays now to clean. He got home around midnight last Sunday. I have to be at work at 9:30 on Mondays, leaving at 9 for a 20 some minute commute. I cannot be up later than 8:30 AM. I NEEEEEED 8 hours of sleep. I cannot keep living like this. Our one guaranteed night together, he gave away to the Evil Electronics Retail Empire. I understand that he gets soooo much crap at work. And that it is killing him. I think that's what gets me -- I'm watching this job kill him. He gets home and can barely speak. He can't talk about anything for at least an hour.
Luckily hubby had a second interview this week with a slightly less evil retail empire. One where I really want a discount, to boot! :) It would be less hours, and far less stress. I just hope we could live through the waiting period until he gets hired, gives notice, and moves on from Evil Electronics Retail Empire. I desperately need him to come home, act interested, and give a darn. I am tired of retail. He's done this for so long, he can't even see how it really affects him. Occasionally he'll have an epiphany about it, but then nothing changes. He is not going to be able to do this much longer.
I am not going to be able to sit here alone for much longer. Boredom leads to eating, depression, and sleeping erratic hours. None of these things are healthy for me. I put off cleaning up the house tonight because it'll give me something to do tomorrow. Sad. And then I have to think of some way to fill Sunday. I do need to practice for a wedding I'm playing next week, but that won't take 3 days..... I am bored. I feel like a part-time wife. Not like the house is that bad anyway....I'm basically living alone right now. 3 cats worth of cat hair, a bit of laundry. A grill pan and the george foreman from the other night (I hate cleaning these things). Tomorrow Bum will teach me to crochet so maybe I don't lose my mind. There has to be a light at the end of this tunnel. I really, really, really miss my husband.
I am bored out of my head. Darling hubby is now working more hours than I can count. I think it's less hours than he worked at Christmas, but I'm not positive. For a while he had Friday evenings off early, or Fridays off altogether. Not anymore. So now I'm alone from the time I get off on Friday until he gets home at 11. The past two Fridays I've been off at either 1 or 1:30....that's 10-11 hours alone. Fun.
DISCLAIMER: I'm sure that someday hubby will read this. We've talked about this, so it's no surprise. I just need to vent. I love you and know that this will get better. I miss you.
Don't get me wrong -- alone time is lovely. And I'm sure I'm having a lot better time than he is. But I'm lonely here. I don't really want to watch TV, read, or clean the house. Stuff I usually do. I don't feel like talking to friends. I want my husband here. He works 12 hours each Saturday. He works from 10 or 12 until closing every Sunday. I don't remember the last time we went to church together. I quit choir to make sure that we could have a least some time together. That's not the only reason, but it's nice to occasionally have a Wednesday night to spend with him.
Now, we used to have Sundays. Then hubby decided that his minions at work need to clean the store on Sundays, since he keeps getting reamed by the DM when the store's not PERFECT. Bear in mind that they outsell the Walmart across the parking lot in dollar amount ROUTINELY and are doing something like 3 times the volume that they used to, but that store has to be perfect. So, hubby and a few dedicated souls stay after closing on Sundays now to clean. He got home around midnight last Sunday. I have to be at work at 9:30 on Mondays, leaving at 9 for a 20 some minute commute. I cannot be up later than 8:30 AM. I NEEEEEED 8 hours of sleep. I cannot keep living like this. Our one guaranteed night together, he gave away to the Evil Electronics Retail Empire. I understand that he gets soooo much crap at work. And that it is killing him. I think that's what gets me -- I'm watching this job kill him. He gets home and can barely speak. He can't talk about anything for at least an hour.
Luckily hubby had a second interview this week with a slightly less evil retail empire. One where I really want a discount, to boot! :) It would be less hours, and far less stress. I just hope we could live through the waiting period until he gets hired, gives notice, and moves on from Evil Electronics Retail Empire. I desperately need him to come home, act interested, and give a darn. I am tired of retail. He's done this for so long, he can't even see how it really affects him. Occasionally he'll have an epiphany about it, but then nothing changes. He is not going to be able to do this much longer.
I am not going to be able to sit here alone for much longer. Boredom leads to eating, depression, and sleeping erratic hours. None of these things are healthy for me. I put off cleaning up the house tonight because it'll give me something to do tomorrow. Sad. And then I have to think of some way to fill Sunday. I do need to practice for a wedding I'm playing next week, but that won't take 3 days..... I am bored. I feel like a part-time wife. Not like the house is that bad anyway....I'm basically living alone right now. 3 cats worth of cat hair, a bit of laundry. A grill pan and the george foreman from the other night (I hate cleaning these things). Tomorrow Bum will teach me to crochet so maybe I don't lose my mind. There has to be a light at the end of this tunnel. I really, really, really miss my husband.
Official Outcome
Originally posted to Livejournal on March 4, 2007 at 6:31 PM
Well, it's official. I have a diagnosis for this nastiness. Side effects. No baby. One early period ensues. Which does answer some questions. Poses a few more, though. I have a lot to think about. No big decisions will be made before our previous TTC-deadline of June. If I get pregnant before that, so be it; God's will. If not, then we jump on the TTC bandwagon. Until then, I'll keep monitoring my body and trying to figure out what the hell it's doing.
Meanwhile, in addition to the Evil Red Witch, I get to have a cold. Fabulous. I sneezed all evening last evening, felt all nasty before bed and then couldn't possibly sleep last night. Woke up this morning feeling like death warmed up. Theoretically this evening I need to get my house cleaned and the laundry finished. I deeply want a nap. So, peppermint tea spiked with honey will have to do for incentive to stay awake, while providing a bit of space to breathe :)
In addition to my general lack of sleep last night, my darling hubby got called back to work at 5:00 AM. What!? I mean, seriously. Apparently the motion sensor had gone off, and as second on the call list hubby had to go in. The girl who lives closer didn't answer her phone. Probably asleep. Go figure. So at 5:30 he dashes off to the store to reactivate the alarm and then crawls back into bed to put his cold feet on me. I had been asleep for roughly an hour when the call came, and slept the 25 minutes he was gone. If I got any more sleep than that is anyone's guess. Luckily hubby could sleep until around 11 this AM before working a 12 hour shift. I hate the Unnamed Moderate-Sized Electronics Retail Empire. Sucks.
But you have to love kitty snuggles!!! Belle is all curled up on me. I'm going to go enjoy this! In response to Sealgair's post with adorable pictures of her cats, I'll eventually put some here of ours. Tiny has doubled in size lately, so I need some recent ones. She's almost caught up to both her ears, and to Merle. :) Off to drink copious amounts of peppermint and snuggle my kitties.
Well, it's official. I have a diagnosis for this nastiness. Side effects. No baby. One early period ensues. Which does answer some questions. Poses a few more, though. I have a lot to think about. No big decisions will be made before our previous TTC-deadline of June. If I get pregnant before that, so be it; God's will. If not, then we jump on the TTC bandwagon. Until then, I'll keep monitoring my body and trying to figure out what the hell it's doing.
Meanwhile, in addition to the Evil Red Witch, I get to have a cold. Fabulous. I sneezed all evening last evening, felt all nasty before bed and then couldn't possibly sleep last night. Woke up this morning feeling like death warmed up. Theoretically this evening I need to get my house cleaned and the laundry finished. I deeply want a nap. So, peppermint tea spiked with honey will have to do for incentive to stay awake, while providing a bit of space to breathe :)
In addition to my general lack of sleep last night, my darling hubby got called back to work at 5:00 AM. What!? I mean, seriously. Apparently the motion sensor had gone off, and as second on the call list hubby had to go in. The girl who lives closer didn't answer her phone. Probably asleep. Go figure. So at 5:30 he dashes off to the store to reactivate the alarm and then crawls back into bed to put his cold feet on me. I had been asleep for roughly an hour when the call came, and slept the 25 minutes he was gone. If I got any more sleep than that is anyone's guess. Luckily hubby could sleep until around 11 this AM before working a 12 hour shift. I hate the Unnamed Moderate-Sized Electronics Retail Empire. Sucks.
But you have to love kitty snuggles!!! Belle is all curled up on me. I'm going to go enjoy this! In response to Sealgair's post with adorable pictures of her cats, I'll eventually put some here of ours. Tiny has doubled in size lately, so I need some recent ones. She's almost caught up to both her ears, and to Merle. :) Off to drink copious amounts of peppermint and snuggle my kitties.
Original First Post
Originally posted to Livejournal on March 4, 2007
This is my hiding place.
This is where I can get my thoughts out, complain, explain, vent, and ponder. I want a place to be able to be honest and open without having to wonder how my mom, my sisters-in-law, my husband's friends, my cousins think. A place where I can say whatever I feel, even if it's a stream of ranting. This is where I don't have to check myself. Maybe I'll join a community, maybe I won't. But I need to ramble as though someone is listening, even if they aren't. I need to know that I can do this here to avoid driving my friends and husband insane. Infertility will do that to you, I'm finding. I'll explain more later, I'm sure. The only person I know will be reading this for now is Sealgair, who has known me forever. Hey, Sealgair!!! Basically, I just need a place to talk endlessly without wondering if I sound like a crazy woman.
Here's my disclaimer. I'm sure at some point, I'll share this with my mom, my hubby, and two special friends. I love the four of you like no one else, and I want and need your support. I want you to know that I love you even when I'm crazy. I probably will not share this with a lot of other people because of several things:
1. This is intensely private subject matter
2. I will be discussing my sex life, my reproductive health, and the State of Cooter Affairs
3. I am occasionally going to sound like a raving lunatic. The only person who knows for sure that I am NOT said lunatic is my mother. Everyone else can take her word for it.
There's my disclaimer. You may all four join this blog at different times. Hello, and I love you. To others, who surf on in, howdy. To Sealgair, my only real LJ friend so far, thank you for accepting me for who I am and who I have become. You are one of the most honest and accepting people I know. I know this is probably not at all interesting to you. If you decide to stay and read on, I understand if you glaze over and skim :) I probably would, too.
When I was 17, I was diagnosed with a "syndrome". Oh, no! It's not that bad, folks. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. So does my mother, a first cousin, and at least two great aunts. Oh, the fun of genetics. If you don't know what PCOS is, Google it. It will sound scary. It's not. If you know me personally, you've seen the results. Lately my favorite euphemism for fat is "fluffy". As in "PCOS makes me fluffy." Sounds better than "I have a big, fat can." See? Add to that the sporadic hair loss (thank you, Metformin, for giving me my hair back a little bit.), the abnormal hair growth in other places (what? You didn't know? Yeah, I pluck a lot), and the driest skin known to man, and you have a fun little endochronolgical disorder. I have dry eyes and skin, but oily hair. I have Insulin Resistance, and I'm not even sure how that works. But apparently I'm controlling it, go figure. I eat very little, but I don't lose weight. I have skin tags, dark patches of skin, and a body that doesn't work the way it should. Oh, and depression. But that's the least of my problems!! I've been on BCP since I was 17 (12 years?) and have no idea what a normal cycle is. See, there's the fun part. I may be infertile. We won't know until we start to TRY. That horrible little word.
I am the result of 7 years of a fertility drug, Clomid. My mom has PCOS, too, remember. She went through HELL to have me. I am one of the few kids in the world who can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were wanted -- desperately. And now, starting to know that trying to conceive is like, I can understand better just how much. See, I got married in October. To The Most Wonderful Man in the World. I will think of a good code name for him at some point, I'm sure. Until then, we'll just fake it. But I told my husband about my PCOS a long time before we even talked about getting married. How else do you explain that one of your medications makes your hands and feet go to sleep? Or that you really DO need that much lotion? Or that eyebrow waxing is a buget-able expense? He was completely accepting. He understood that I may never be able to have biological children, and that he may never know what his progeny will look like. He loves me anyway, and I am STILL in awe of that. He lives through nights where I can't sleep, days where I can't stay awake, tears for no reason, random days of sheer rudeness, and a regimen of drugs and food that makes ME dizzy. He puts up with a lower-carb, home-milled grain, lean meat and herb-filled diet. He understands my obsession with alternative remedies. He gets it.
We decided that we would start to think about kids this summer, around June. Bear in mind, we already had family, friends, colleagues, and random Joe on the street asking if we were going to have babies two weeks after our wedding. I wish I was kidding. My parents talk about grandchildren in that hopeful way that infertile couples have. They know not to pressure, but they know to be optimistic. Of course, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends don't always know that. So, we've fielded the usual newlywed questions. Some have been less than tactful. For the time being, we're telling people that we want to wait until we have a new house, hubby has a new job, we have time to spend with kids. Heavens, we need time for sex. But you can't tell your grandma that. Well, I could have told my grandma that, but she was special :) So, we're using TIME as our buzz word. Bear in mind we have some seriously Christian friends and relatives that believe that any birth control is wrong. Flat wrong. You know what? To each his own. Bug off. We have to time things. My OB/GYN, Slush, wants me to lose weight. Yeah, whatever. I'm trying, and it's not happening. If it doesn't start to fall off in little piles soon, we're going to an endochronolgist in May. So, I'm not really allowed to try to get pregnant. Or TTC , as the cute little acronym goes.
Well, here's the current situation. Didn't know I was going to write a novel, didja? Slush changed my birth control pill (BCP) to Yasmin in November. I was having strange pains in my abdomen mid-cycle. Turns out I'm ovulating. HOLY HANNAH, I'm ovulating. I'm not supposed to do that. This little proof of normalcy makes my day. I get a secret, unbelievable GLEE out of the fact. And the fact that it hurts? Even better because I can KNOW that it's happening. I kid you not, I actually like ovulation pain. It's my ONE tiny victory in this battle. It's taken 12 years, but I'm happy with a little floaty egg. So, Slush changed my pill. Yasmin and I got along just fine until the beginning of February. Then, I started to feel a little strange. Oh, why beat around the bush. I feel pregnant. Very. If you Google "early pregnancy symptoms" (and I did) I have them all. Even the weird ones like dry skin (even DRIER!!), stuffy nose, and back pain. Now, I won't go into numbers. I know that once this becomes my TTC journal I will have a ton of numbers in here. For now, know that if a whole lot of things lined up, I could be pregnant. It's entirely possible. It's just not likely. But, possible. But two pregnancy tests turned up negative. A nurse-friend says that they were too early anyway. I'll be peeing on another piece of plastic next week if the evil red witch doesn't show up on Monday or Tuesday. Meanwhile, I am miserable. I am crampy, my back hurts, my head pounds, I want to vomit, my boobs hurt, I am dizzy. Twice I've had to ask my husband to take a shower after pumping gas because I can't stand the smell....after he's washed his hands. Chocolate made me ill last week -- this week it's manna from Heaven. I cry at Toyota commercials. I feel for the caveman on the Progressive commercials. I was an uber-wench for like two weeks. The fact that my husband didn't take a contract out on me is a miracle. I can't stay awake on the couch, and I can't sleep in bed. I have veins in my arms to make heroin junkies jealous. Here's the kicker.......
All these things can be side effects of Yasmin. WHAT?? Yeah. Yasmin can make you feel pregnant. All the crap, none of the joy. Here's the better part -- from my internet searching (you know if you find it via Google it MUST be true) I've learned that Yasmin is one of the most fallible pills available. In women with PCOS, it usually helps achieve pregnancy. HUH? Yeah. It binds the testosterone and androgen that are so problematic for PCOS-ers. That lets the estrogen get a leg up. Wham bam, you're knocked up. I'm sure it's not that easy..... But for all intents and purposes, it could have happened. So, there's where I am.....I either AM preggo, or I just get to FEEL preggo. How's that for screwed? I feel like death, but I don't know why. Is it for a baby's sake, in which case WOO HOO!!?? Or is it just more side effects along an already bumpy path? Who knows.
Now, here's the rub. Do I continue on this pill if these are side effects? I mean, they really aren't pleasant. But if Yasmin will help me get pregnant, excellent, I'll do it. Clomid is worse and other things are....worser? Not a word, but effective. So, I get to choose. Feel pregnant but not be, and start this fun TTC journey. Or, go off Yasmin and never know. Good grief, I think I have an answer there, don't I? I was NOT anticipating thinking about a baby this in-depth at this point. Because my mommy has told me how it feels. Other women get the "how to make a baby" talk from their mommies. I got the "how if feels when the whole world has a baby and you can't make one" talk. Actually, I am SOOOOOO glad she prepared me for this. I do not know what I would do if I had to face it blind like Mom did. But, I think maybe we're here. We're not quite TTC....we're more like visiting the travel agent, getting ready to TTC. Big step. It already sucks, btw. Of course, if I turn up positive on Monday, this will be one useless blog..... I'm probably going to test on Wednesday, FYI.
Well, I feel better. Lots better. And no one had to suffer. I figure I'll share this journal on a need to know basis. I'll make it public for now, but my friends and family don't really know that I have a livejournal, so no big deal. I'd love for it to be a resource for others, but I will not do anything for that sole purpose. This is my hiding place. You are welcome to join me here, but know that I need this so very badly.
If you made it through that, thank you from the bottom of my heart, and welcome. If you didn't, no big deal. Welcome anyway :) This is a Getting Ready To Try To Conceive blog, I think. Is there a community out there for "Almost"?
This is my hiding place.
This is where I can get my thoughts out, complain, explain, vent, and ponder. I want a place to be able to be honest and open without having to wonder how my mom, my sisters-in-law, my husband's friends, my cousins think. A place where I can say whatever I feel, even if it's a stream of ranting. This is where I don't have to check myself. Maybe I'll join a community, maybe I won't. But I need to ramble as though someone is listening, even if they aren't. I need to know that I can do this here to avoid driving my friends and husband insane. Infertility will do that to you, I'm finding. I'll explain more later, I'm sure. The only person I know will be reading this for now is Sealgair, who has known me forever. Hey, Sealgair!!! Basically, I just need a place to talk endlessly without wondering if I sound like a crazy woman.
Here's my disclaimer. I'm sure at some point, I'll share this with my mom, my hubby, and two special friends. I love the four of you like no one else, and I want and need your support. I want you to know that I love you even when I'm crazy. I probably will not share this with a lot of other people because of several things:
1. This is intensely private subject matter
2. I will be discussing my sex life, my reproductive health, and the State of Cooter Affairs
3. I am occasionally going to sound like a raving lunatic. The only person who knows for sure that I am NOT said lunatic is my mother. Everyone else can take her word for it.
There's my disclaimer. You may all four join this blog at different times. Hello, and I love you. To others, who surf on in, howdy. To Sealgair, my only real LJ friend so far, thank you for accepting me for who I am and who I have become. You are one of the most honest and accepting people I know. I know this is probably not at all interesting to you. If you decide to stay and read on, I understand if you glaze over and skim :) I probably would, too.
When I was 17, I was diagnosed with a "syndrome". Oh, no! It's not that bad, folks. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. So does my mother, a first cousin, and at least two great aunts. Oh, the fun of genetics. If you don't know what PCOS is, Google it. It will sound scary. It's not. If you know me personally, you've seen the results. Lately my favorite euphemism for fat is "fluffy". As in "PCOS makes me fluffy." Sounds better than "I have a big, fat can." See? Add to that the sporadic hair loss (thank you, Metformin, for giving me my hair back a little bit.), the abnormal hair growth in other places (what? You didn't know? Yeah, I pluck a lot), and the driest skin known to man, and you have a fun little endochronolgical disorder. I have dry eyes and skin, but oily hair. I have Insulin Resistance, and I'm not even sure how that works. But apparently I'm controlling it, go figure. I eat very little, but I don't lose weight. I have skin tags, dark patches of skin, and a body that doesn't work the way it should. Oh, and depression. But that's the least of my problems!! I've been on BCP since I was 17 (12 years?) and have no idea what a normal cycle is. See, there's the fun part. I may be infertile. We won't know until we start to TRY. That horrible little word.
I am the result of 7 years of a fertility drug, Clomid. My mom has PCOS, too, remember. She went through HELL to have me. I am one of the few kids in the world who can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were wanted -- desperately. And now, starting to know that trying to conceive is like, I can understand better just how much. See, I got married in October. To The Most Wonderful Man in the World. I will think of a good code name for him at some point, I'm sure. Until then, we'll just fake it. But I told my husband about my PCOS a long time before we even talked about getting married. How else do you explain that one of your medications makes your hands and feet go to sleep? Or that you really DO need that much lotion? Or that eyebrow waxing is a buget-able expense? He was completely accepting. He understood that I may never be able to have biological children, and that he may never know what his progeny will look like. He loves me anyway, and I am STILL in awe of that. He lives through nights where I can't sleep, days where I can't stay awake, tears for no reason, random days of sheer rudeness, and a regimen of drugs and food that makes ME dizzy. He puts up with a lower-carb, home-milled grain, lean meat and herb-filled diet. He understands my obsession with alternative remedies. He gets it.
We decided that we would start to think about kids this summer, around June. Bear in mind, we already had family, friends, colleagues, and random Joe on the street asking if we were going to have babies two weeks after our wedding. I wish I was kidding. My parents talk about grandchildren in that hopeful way that infertile couples have. They know not to pressure, but they know to be optimistic. Of course, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends don't always know that. So, we've fielded the usual newlywed questions. Some have been less than tactful. For the time being, we're telling people that we want to wait until we have a new house, hubby has a new job, we have time to spend with kids. Heavens, we need time for sex. But you can't tell your grandma that. Well, I could have told my grandma that, but she was special :) So, we're using TIME as our buzz word. Bear in mind we have some seriously Christian friends and relatives that believe that any birth control is wrong. Flat wrong. You know what? To each his own. Bug off. We have to time things. My OB/GYN, Slush, wants me to lose weight. Yeah, whatever. I'm trying, and it's not happening. If it doesn't start to fall off in little piles soon, we're going to an endochronolgist in May. So, I'm not really allowed to try to get pregnant. Or TTC , as the cute little acronym goes.
Well, here's the current situation. Didn't know I was going to write a novel, didja? Slush changed my birth control pill (BCP) to Yasmin in November. I was having strange pains in my abdomen mid-cycle. Turns out I'm ovulating. HOLY HANNAH, I'm ovulating. I'm not supposed to do that. This little proof of normalcy makes my day. I get a secret, unbelievable GLEE out of the fact. And the fact that it hurts? Even better because I can KNOW that it's happening. I kid you not, I actually like ovulation pain. It's my ONE tiny victory in this battle. It's taken 12 years, but I'm happy with a little floaty egg. So, Slush changed my pill. Yasmin and I got along just fine until the beginning of February. Then, I started to feel a little strange. Oh, why beat around the bush. I feel pregnant. Very. If you Google "early pregnancy symptoms" (and I did) I have them all. Even the weird ones like dry skin (even DRIER!!), stuffy nose, and back pain. Now, I won't go into numbers. I know that once this becomes my TTC journal I will have a ton of numbers in here. For now, know that if a whole lot of things lined up, I could be pregnant. It's entirely possible. It's just not likely. But, possible. But two pregnancy tests turned up negative. A nurse-friend says that they were too early anyway. I'll be peeing on another piece of plastic next week if the evil red witch doesn't show up on Monday or Tuesday. Meanwhile, I am miserable. I am crampy, my back hurts, my head pounds, I want to vomit, my boobs hurt, I am dizzy. Twice I've had to ask my husband to take a shower after pumping gas because I can't stand the smell....after he's washed his hands. Chocolate made me ill last week -- this week it's manna from Heaven. I cry at Toyota commercials. I feel for the caveman on the Progressive commercials. I was an uber-wench for like two weeks. The fact that my husband didn't take a contract out on me is a miracle. I can't stay awake on the couch, and I can't sleep in bed. I have veins in my arms to make heroin junkies jealous. Here's the kicker.......
All these things can be side effects of Yasmin. WHAT?? Yeah. Yasmin can make you feel pregnant. All the crap, none of the joy. Here's the better part -- from my internet searching (you know if you find it via Google it MUST be true) I've learned that Yasmin is one of the most fallible pills available. In women with PCOS, it usually helps achieve pregnancy. HUH? Yeah. It binds the testosterone and androgen that are so problematic for PCOS-ers. That lets the estrogen get a leg up. Wham bam, you're knocked up. I'm sure it's not that easy..... But for all intents and purposes, it could have happened. So, there's where I am.....I either AM preggo, or I just get to FEEL preggo. How's that for screwed? I feel like death, but I don't know why. Is it for a baby's sake, in which case WOO HOO!!?? Or is it just more side effects along an already bumpy path? Who knows.
Now, here's the rub. Do I continue on this pill if these are side effects? I mean, they really aren't pleasant. But if Yasmin will help me get pregnant, excellent, I'll do it. Clomid is worse and other things are....worser? Not a word, but effective. So, I get to choose. Feel pregnant but not be, and start this fun TTC journey. Or, go off Yasmin and never know. Good grief, I think I have an answer there, don't I? I was NOT anticipating thinking about a baby this in-depth at this point. Because my mommy has told me how it feels. Other women get the "how to make a baby" talk from their mommies. I got the "how if feels when the whole world has a baby and you can't make one" talk. Actually, I am SOOOOOO glad she prepared me for this. I do not know what I would do if I had to face it blind like Mom did. But, I think maybe we're here. We're not quite TTC....we're more like visiting the travel agent, getting ready to TTC. Big step. It already sucks, btw. Of course, if I turn up positive on Monday, this will be one useless blog..... I'm probably going to test on Wednesday, FYI.
Well, I feel better. Lots better. And no one had to suffer. I figure I'll share this journal on a need to know basis. I'll make it public for now, but my friends and family don't really know that I have a livejournal, so no big deal. I'd love for it to be a resource for others, but I will not do anything for that sole purpose. This is my hiding place. You are welcome to join me here, but know that I need this so very badly.
If you made it through that, thank you from the bottom of my heart, and welcome. If you didn't, no big deal. Welcome anyway :) This is a Getting Ready To Try To Conceive blog, I think. Is there a community out there for "Almost"?
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