Thursday Night Prayer Request

Mama called me earlier tonight to let me know that my Uncle Roy was being transported to UVA. Earlier today Mama received a call saying that Uncle Roy was missing and his family was looking for him. He was supposed to pick up his great-granddaughter from school, and never showed up. After frantically searching for him and contacting the local hospital several times, the family finally found him in the ER. He was in a very bad car wreck on the way to the school. The med-flight from our local hospital came to the scene to take both Uncle Roy and the other driver to UVA, but Uncle Roy refused to go. After being taken to the ER, he was transported tonight to UVA by ambulance. From what I understand, he has bleeding in his brain and is in very critical condition. Please keep Uncle Roy, his family, and the doctors and nurses who are working on him in your prayers. Uncle Roy's wife is my Aunt Margie, who you may remember has been very ill as well. This family has been through a lot lately and would appreciate it if you would keep them lifted up. Thank you!

Good Friday!

I don't really have anything amazing to write today. No big, philosophical post about Good Friday and what that means to me. Simply put, Easter Sunday is the most important day in the Christian year. Sure, Jesus' birth was a big deal. But we are not saved by His birth, but rather by the grace given us through His death. And that death is commemorated today with Good Friday. That's a huge, huge deal. So I'll leave it at that.

Last night we attended the Maundy Thursday service at our new church. We loved it! The fellowship and emphasis on service and Christ were amazing, and we met so many new people. We're really liking this new church and I look forward to the Easter service there this Sunday!

Don't You Hate Suspense?

In interest of not keeping anyone in suspense, I thought I'd let you know that we started a new cycle today. In other words, I'm not pregnant. I'm really okay with it. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I had a (few) good cries, I leaned on Brian, I ate popcorn for lunch. I drank some fully-caffeinated Earl Grey de la creme tea, and lusted after sushi delivery that I couldn't afford. I also had such a crazy day that I eventually was able to get it off my mind.

Please don't tell me you're sorry. I know, and I've heard that a few times today (and said it more than a few), and just really can't take it again. While I appreciate the sentiment, I'm really okay. We're committed to following God's timing, so we have to accept it even when we don't agree. He doesn't need us to anyway.

So why is this such a shock? Because of the evidence my body was presenting me with during this TWW. You may notice a new button on the right sidebar of my blog, linking to a site where I track my TWW symptoms. It keeps me from making anyone else crazy. Unfortunately, I just found it last week, so I still had a week before that to annoy the heck out of a few people. Now I'll have a place to put those thoughts without being so...up front? out loud? in your face? Whatever. It's over there, and it will be updated during each TWW.

Well, that's what's going on in my little world. I spent a good part of the day utterly crushed. Another good chunk being run ragged by the little creatures in my house. I'm exhausted, drained, and empty. So tomorrow has to be better, right?

Meanwhile, this has me feeling a lot better....

26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:

Who created all these?

He who brings out the starry host one by one,

and calls them each by name.

Because of his great power and mighty strength,

not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,

and complain, O Israel,

"My way is hidden from the LORD;

my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

31 but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:26-29,31

Please Pray

There is a blog that I have followed for a little while now. More specifically, I had read about Eva on one of the other blogs I read and recently checked out Eva's own blog. I just adored her outlook and spunky personality, and read through her archives in about two weekends. She received a double lung transplant a couple years ago because of cystic fibrosis, and has been in chronic rejection for some time. A few months ago, Eva posted a vlog saying goodbye to her readers and friends because she was told that she'd be passing very soon. She's lived for a while since then.

Sadly for her family, she passed away this morning. I know they had time to prepare, but it can't be easy to let her go. But she can breathe now, and is at peace. Please keep her family and friends in your prayers. Eva made a huge difference to a lot of people, raised tons of money for Canada's cystic fibrosis charities, and educated so many people about her disease and organ donation. Thank God for her life, her honesty, and her spirit.

Thank God...It's Friday!

This has been such a long week!! It's absolutely dragging by! Probably because I know that Brian has the weekend off and we have very, very little planned. Palm Sunday in "our new church" is the only given on the agenda. Oh, yeah, and some wrestling thing Brian will be parked in front of on Sunday...seriously, though, he's excited and that's cool. Anyone who is also planning on watching that and wants to do it in the comfort of our living room in front of the big screen instead of at BW3, call me! I'll try to arrange for some food if we get company. Incentive... I'm also going to try to convince him to see Alice in Wonderland this weekend. I need more of that 3D experience!!

You guys crack me up! Apparently there are doubts about my ability to keep my mouth shut for 12 weeks..... Of course, I'm the one having the doubts, but I digress. Seriously, though, you guys will know after our parents and siblings. Heck, some of our family reads this, and what a un-fun way to find out you're going to be an aunt or uncle? So after they know, you will. Not immediately, because I'm just way too....anxiety-ridden? I'm so afraid that when it does happen, it won't last. Irrational, but true. I won't make you wait 12 weeks. Though I'm sure I could keep that a secret if I wanted an aneurysm a challenge! That said, some of you know that I planned 80% of our wedding in the car on the way back from West Virginia the day after we got engaged... Can you imagine how fast I'm going to put that nursery together when the time comes?! Please. You'll be seeing pictures. Of course, I may be geriatric by that time, but whatever.

So, in response to comments from my last post:

Allison, I was reading the same blog you were. You sent me the link a few years ago, and I read through her entire archive. Then her little girl was born and I was so excited to "meet" her. And then, poof!, nothing. I can't imagine losing this outlet that way!

Samantha, your happy ending will definitely come! Maybe before ours! Have faith, girl! I know what you mean about Facebook pee stick photos. So...hard to see. My high school friends who are on Facebook and reading here have probably seen the newest announcement from one of our classmates. I am so happy for her. But also really jealous. I hate that feeling in myself, but there it is. Doesn't help that she literally just had a baby and then had her tubes tied. Obviously God wasn't through with her yet, but ouch for quite a few of us. Infertility seems to be rampant in our high school class, and I just wish more people knew to be gentle.

Anonymous, you need a log-in name. Or else I'll give you a bloggy name, and they are usually hokey. So getcha one. Rest assured, I'll totally be posting pee stick photos, ultrasounds, obsessive pregnancy posts on here. Are you kidding?! Otherwise I'll drive everyone I see every day completely insane. But not on Facebook. I really respected that you guys were discreet and thoughtful. Not secretive, just considerate. This blog is my own private forum, and if I wanna post "Hey, I'm Preggo!" posts every day, I'm probably going to! But on Facebook it just seems so....braggy? But no, there will be no belly photos anywhere. *shudder* I am way too modest for that, and seriously don't want to be responsible for blinding 10 or 15 people. Maybe I'll find some stock photos online and Photoshop my head on.....

So, nothing is positive and I'm not getting my hopes too up for this cycle. But there's always next month, and the month after that. And, if my Mama is any example the next five years after that. But I'm hopeful. And always prayerful. Speaking of which.....

Thank God...It's Friday

Praises

Big P had his surgery yesterday and it went off without a hitch. He should be headed home any time now, and then his mama gets to try to keep an active three-and-a-half year old "calm". Pray for them both!

Brian has the weekend off! Yay!

The Bum had a scary call at work this week. Seems Cuz and The Godson attempted to burn the house down making French fries. Only the kitchen was affected, and it probably looks much worse than it is, but I'm sure it was scary nonetheless. Thank God, no one was hurt, the landlord wasn't angry, and the insurance should cover it.

Anonymous up there is going to be a mommy very, very soon. Please keep Mommies and Baby in your prayers! Yay!

Requests

Teachers all over the state of Virginia are facing the cold reality that they could lose their jobs because there is no longer any room in the budget for public schools. In some towns, entire schools are closing. In my mother's side of our immediate family alone, we have four teachers. Only two have tenure. Many of my friends face unemployment as well, and I cannot imagine how they are feeling over this. Losing your job for no fault of your own is just plain Not Fair. Please pray that they will receive good news, that money will be reallocated, and that children in the public school system will not suffer because of the ignorance of our government. Please pray that anyone who does lose their job will go on to bigger and better (and better paying, for that matter!) endeavors.

An acquaintance is facing some seriously hard times. Naturally, this affects their spouse and many friends as well. Please pray as led.

Anything going on in your life that you want to give praise over or need lifted up?

Two Week Wait via Facebook?!

I’ve been pondering this post for a couple of days. I’m in the middle of the dreaded “two week wait” (TWW), that time after ovulation before you can trust a pregnancy test. The two weeks when your body throws every weird symptom at you it can so as to mess with your brain. For two long weeks you feel as pregnant as you can imagine, and then a test crushes you fourteen days later. Good times, as you can imagine. So I’m ignoring this as best I can. Sure, I am. Just ask YaYa Princess how many texts she’s gotten in the past ten days. Obsessive texts. I’m so very good at ignoring it, I promise. Not.

So, anyway, an acquaintance knows roughly what our TTC schedule looks like. She’s privy to when my doctor’s appointments are, and can count. So she knows this is a pivotal time. She makes it a point to ask me routinely if I’m pregnant and what we’re doing now, like Clomid or TWW, or a period. She knows way too much about my body. But she’s positive and supportive, so it’s all good. But she asked me this week when I was going to tell people if/when I’m pregnant. Specifically, will I post it to Facebook Um… So it made me think. Granted, Brian and I have discussed it, and talked through our thoughts on “when and how to tell people” when it happens. Heck, we’ve been doing this since early 2008, so we’ve had time to discuss everything. Our kids are named already, for crying out loud. Just tell us what it is, and we can tell you who it is. Anyway, our parents will know pretty much instantly. My parents probably the day we find out, and Brian’s parents as soon as we could get there to tell them in person. Our siblings will get phone calls sometime in the first trimester. I have four friends who will know very soon, too, because I can’t keep a single thing from them successfully. Everyone else, my bloggy friends, the Internet, Facebook at large, anyone not in the above list? Pretty much after the first trimester.

What really made me think was the whole question of posting to Facebook. When a good friend’s wife got pregnant, I asked if they were going to post pictures of ultrasounds and such. She replied that they would not be doing that, out of respect for their infertile friends. How nice is that?! I think that’s just such a respectful thing to do for others and so empathetic of them. I am not bothered by other people’s ultrasounds, belly pictures, pregnancy talk, or baby photos. I’m not even really envious, just wistful for when it’s me. So I wouldn’t have minded seeing their bean in all his gray, fuzzy, ultrasound glory. But I know that many, many people would have been crushed. So we’ll be adopting the same mentality when I do get pregnant. No ultrasounds on Facebook, no constant “I’m so sick, whine whine whine” on Twitter. I will not be that stumbling block to someone else, causing them pain or envy.

However, while this has been a little bit of an “infertility blog” up till this point, it’s only been that because infertility has been such a big part of our lives. It’s something that I’ve dealt with in my head since I was 16. We discussed it long before we discussed marriage. We ran through 80 million scenarios when I was still on the pill. Since 2008, it’s been a constant focus for us at least monthly, if not daily. Who am I kidding?! Daily. But in reality, this is our family blog. It’s where we post pictures of the things we do when we finally get time off, where you see what’s important to us. With three siblings in three different states, it’s how we keep in touch and keep them up to date (hi, guys!). This blog will not end when I get pregnant. And, honestly, there will be ultrasound pictures and obsessing over the state of the pregnancy. No belly shots, as no one in their right mind wants to have that seared on their retinas. But there will be discussions of pregnancy. And probably baby pictures. Because it’s our family blog, and hopefully one day our family will be bigger than just two people and three cats.

Why do I mention this now, without actually being preggo? Because I know a lot of my readers are dealing with infertility, and I want them to know how it stands. I never, ever want to alienate you guys. I never want to offend or crush you. I thank you for all you’ve taught me, and for letting me tell you things that are way too personal to tell everyone else in my life. I want to be respectful of your feelings, but I guess I hope you’ll understand and stick around, even after the rabbit dies.

Now, I’m off to obsess about completely meaningless “symptoms” that I probably feel every month and just don’t notice until I’m focusing on them. Anybody got a stick to pee on?!!

Duh, Bloodwork

I totally forgot to tell you guys that my progesterone test came back just fine. It was a 15, whatever that means. It was 16 last month, so I figure it must be good. The nurse said "I guess you're just going to ovulate late in your cycle"..... Um, nope. I have a 32-35 day cycle so I ovulated right on time, thanks. Which is what I already knew from my 9 previous Clomid cycles. And which I've told them at every doctor's appointment since time immemorial. I've been late all my life. I will be late to my own funeral. If I hadn't been at the church by 7 AM the morning of my (3 PM) wedding, I would have been late to that, too. I was late being born, a little late walking, late starting this whole period thing, and late to get married. I'm late. It only makes sense to me that my ovulation (when it chooses to happen) should be late, too. *sigh*

Anyhoo, that's the deal with the bloodwork. Have a great Thursday!