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Baileys Adventures

My Blog Is Growing Up....

When I started this blog, Brian and I were just married. There were a lot of adjustments to make, and we were starting to think about trying to have a baby. I originally wanted to hide this blog, to keep it just for myself and maybe a friend or two. Definitely not the majority of our family or complete "strangers". I griped a lot, used the F word copiously, and didn't censor myself at all.

And then, eventually, I changed. I started censoring myself in real life a bit (those of you who know me IRL are shocked, I know), I've been trying to watch my potty mouth, and I'm much more open about our fertility issues. I've realized that most people with infertility hide it from everyone in their lives, and so compound the isolation we already feel. I flat refuse to do that, in case you haven't noticed. I try to live my life as an example of certain things, and how to deal with IF without going crazy is one of those things. We cannot be defined by our fertility or lack thereof any more than we can be defined by the books we read, jobs we hold, or car we drive. I'm going to deal with my infertility right out loud.

Now, I share this blog address on my Facebook page, via Twitter updates, and give it to family and friends. I want people to be familiar with what's going on in our lives, not just infertility but our many misadventures. My blog has become my forum, my chance to make a tiny difference. The chance to share my faith in Christ, to help others dealing with infertility, and get the thoughts rattling around in my head out and about. As I try to do this more often, there are a few things that I want to be able to do. Things that Blogger doesn't allow. And lately ol' Blogger and I have been fighting more often than not.

So, much as I left LiveJournal when my blogging needs outgrew it, I am leaving Blogger. I invite you all to join me at my new address.....

The Baileys Adventures

thebaileysadventures.wordpress.com

I tried to get "Baileys Adventures", but somebody named Bailey apparently thought she'd post about her adventures, too. Except that she never had any and there is nothing on her site. So add 'The' and come on over. Make note of the new address, change your blog readers, edit your bookmarks. Because the boxes are packed, the truck is loaded, the posts are exported, and I'm heading to WordPress. There's a post there waiting for you, too....

Thank God...It's Friday!

Praises

Uncle Roy was sent home from UVA a few days ago. Apparently his doctors think he'll heal faster and regain more abilities if he's in a familiar environment. Word on the family grapevine is that he's still quite out of it and confused, and is having some trouble with falling. While we're all so thankful that he's even alive and that he had relatively minor injuries compared to what could have happened, the family will definitely still need prayers as they try to work out care schedules and keep Uncle Roy and Aunt Margie safe.

So far, the news is good for friends and family who were fearing for their jobs in the Virginia public school system!

My friend Turkeymary bought a house this week!

I think I have it worked out to allow me to continue to sell baby and child-related products like slings, felt play food, etc. I've been talking with the vendor contact at the store here in town that carries my products, and we're pretty sure we've found a way to follow the law without breaking the bank. I'll update further on the business blog. Thanks for prayers and ideas during this time!

Requests

This is a rough day for a friend. She has a lot on her plate, as well. Please keep her in your prayers as led.

MadHat76's dog at yet another sock. This one earned him a trip to surgery. Please pray for him (and her!) as he heals.

My friend Arinne's wife is expecting their first baby any minute! Hopefully this wait will go quickly for them and they'll have him to love on soon.

Work is kind of crazy right now. It's the same every time I have a new baby, and will pass soon enough, but prayers for sanity would be appreciated.

Little Bro has laryngitis. Yuck and no fun!

The man who was in the wreck with Uncle Roy is still in critical care at UVA, and from what I've heard is still on a ventilator.

Have I mentioned we'd like to get pregnant this month? Just puttin' it out there....

**As a little housekeeping note, Mama let me know that some of the pictures from the alpaca farm weren't showing up. I fixed them, I hope. Check it out!

Have a great weekend!

I love to grill out. As soon as it's warm enough, I fire up the grill and keep using it until it's so cold and dark I can't stand to be out on the deck. Once we get the chance to wash off the furniture we usually have dinner on the back porch, soaking up the vitamin D sunshine and spending some time not in front of the TV.

Before I met Brian, I had a little tabletop grill. It was the perfect size for my itty bitty, teeny tiny, two-people-and-one-shared-cigarette balcony at my apartment, and was great for camping. I actually went through two or three of them in the years before I met Brian. When we moved to our hovel old house, we put the grill in the cellar because we had no real place to grill out without stray cats stealing our meat. When we moved here to the Square, we bought a brand-new, cobweb-free tabletop grill for our deck, and it's served us very well.

That is, until I lit it on fire last year. Twice. I don't remember if I blogged about it or not, but last summer while Brian was gone for work I grilled some chicken with the skin on. Big mistake. The grill lit up like some manner of burning bush, and the flames threatened to burn down our deck. There are slight black burn marks on our deck wall (why do our decks here have walls? Anyone?) to memorialize my grilling prowess. I am deathly afraid of fire, and was completely terrified by the idea that I nearly burnt our house down. Those flames were four feet high, and the baking soda was inside the house. I finally grabbed it and put out the conflagration. The grill caught on fire again later in the summer, albeit in a much smaller manner. There was an insane amount of residual chicken grease in the bottom of the grill, and I've never really felt safe about it since.

What I didn't know was that when something catches on fire, it often rusts. Like rusts out. You can see how traumatic the fire(s) was by the fact that the top of that grill used to be red. The paint burnt off. O-F-F, ya'll. Burnt. it. off.

So, we were in need of a new grill. $40 would get us a new tabletop grill at the local Wally World.

But then! My amazing husband called! From work! Where they had received a shipment of Holy Cow Amazing How I Lust After It grills. For an insanely reasonable price and the benefit of an additional employee discount. He asked me to come out and look at it, and we brought it home to live with us forever.

**insert a choir of angels singing here*

Brian put it together last week and then helped me light it up. I love to grill, and I have never been afraid of propane or my grill. But read about that fire again...and know that I was terrified. Which disappointed and embarrassed me. Brian helped me, and I'm totally okay with it now. I just had this irrational fear of setting our deck alight. Can't imagine why.

I marinated up some chicken thighs in our favorite marinade, and tossed some asparagus with olive oil, salt, and pepper.

A few minutes of hot, searing, yum-inducing heat, and viola'! Let there be dinner!

Here's the recipe I used for the marinade. I use it pretty much weekly in the summer, and it's wonderful. I can't take a bit of credit for it, though. I got it from Recipezaar about two years ago. It's basically idiot proof. Enjoy!

California Marinade

Combine the following in a jar and shake vigorously:

1/4 cup olive oil

1/4 cup lemon juice

2 TB Worcestershire sauce

1-3 dashes of Tabasco sauce

2 TB apple cider vinegar

2 tsp. salt

2 tsp. sugar

2 cloves of crushed, minced, or pressed garlic

Marinate meat or vegetables for a few hours. Brush over meat while grilling.

Forest Fire

On our way to the alpaca farm Sunday, we noticed some smoke on the mountain ridge north of Route 259 by the West Virginia state line. Last week there were several red flag fire warnings, so we knew the possibility of forest fires was high. Seeing the mountain burn is sadly pretty common around here, but always heartbreaking. We saw some fire crews already set up by the roadside, taking ATVs back over the ridge to fight the fire. At that point, they were probably digging ditches to stem the fire's progression. There was a tent set up providing refreshment for the firefighters, and a rescue squad handy just in case.

By the time we headed back home from the farm, the fire had spread and grown much larger. As best we could tell, the fire was back behind the ridge, so we could only see the smoke.

A Visit to the Alpaca Farm!

On Sunday, I went to Lost River, West Virginia with Mama, Daddy, and Uncle Larry. Daddy has a friend with an alpaca farm and we've been meaning to get over there to see them for months. Sunday was gorgeous and none of us had plans, so we hopped in a van and took off after church.

These little animals are so fun! They're gentle and sensitive, and I was amazed to see their interactions with their owners and with each other. Here are a few pictures from our trip...

Inside the barn with the girls

Connie, who is due to have a baby any day, on the left. I'm not sure who's on the right.

Daddy feeds the boys. They ate rabbit food as treats.

Their mouths are very soft, and their upper lips are split to move independently! Daddy was spit on pretty early in the day by Lilly, and then was shunned by most of the other alpacas!

Teddy on the right. He spit a little before this. When they spit, alpacas' bottom lips are frozen open for 20-30 minutes! So Teddy's teeth were sticking out.

I don't remember this guy's name, but he was extra-sweet. He let me rub his nose and tried to eat my camera.

Naomi, who is due in September, and Manny. Manny is an award-winning show alpaca, and very sweet!

After we spent a few hours playing with the alpacas, we headed to Lost River Grill for a late lunch and then home. We're hoping to go back soon to see either Connie or Naomi's babies, so I'm sure there'll be more pictures. Needless to say, this trip only fueled my desire to have a little alpaca herd of my own someday!

Thank God...It's Friday! The Saturday Edition

Yeah, yeah, so I didn't get this put up on Friday. With the week I've had, it's a miracle I even have the presence of mind to type. So here you have it....

Praises

This week I am literally thanking God that I made it through. It's been a long one and all my kids were nutty this week. I'm actually looking forward to trying to Spring clean this weekend....

Uncle Roy is conscious and seems to be improving. He has two places bleeding in his brain, but the scans from this afternoon were improved over the ones from 4 AM. He also has a broken shoulder bone. He has no memory of the accident. The other driver has internal bleeding and is currently on a ventilator. So in the midst of praise, prayers are still needed.

Requests

A couple from our new church is currently in the process of adopting their son from Russia. They are waiting on his visa to be approved and hope to travel to Russia in about four weeks to pick him up and have their Russian court date. Unfortunately, today the Russian government starting making threats to freeze all US adoptions. While they are justified in their reaction to a horrible incident, making thousands of new adoptive parents suffer is not the answer. Please be in prayer for our new friends and their son, as well as anyone affected by this.

A friend's wife should be having their baby soon (update us, you know who you are....). Please lift them up in prayer as they grow their family.

Several friends are looking for work or are facing unemployment.

Please keep MadHat76's grandfather in your prayers as he undergoes treatment for cancer.

YaYaPrincess' pooch has been sick. God loves dogs, too, you know.

Two of the families whose blogs I follow are observing the one year anniversary of their children's deaths this week. I cannot even imagine how hard this would be. Please keep them in your prayers.

Thursday Night Prayer Request

Mama called me earlier tonight to let me know that my Uncle Roy was being transported to UVA. Earlier today Mama received a call saying that Uncle Roy was missing and his family was looking for him. He was supposed to pick up his great-granddaughter from school, and never showed up. After frantically searching for him and contacting the local hospital several times, the family finally found him in the ER. He was in a very bad car wreck on the way to the school. The med-flight from our local hospital came to the scene to take both Uncle Roy and the other driver to UVA, but Uncle Roy refused to go. After being taken to the ER, he was transported tonight to UVA by ambulance. From what I understand, he has bleeding in his brain and is in very critical condition. Please keep Uncle Roy, his family, and the doctors and nurses who are working on him in your prayers. Uncle Roy's wife is my Aunt Margie, who you may remember has been very ill as well. This family has been through a lot lately and would appreciate it if you would keep them lifted up. Thank you!

Good Friday!

I don't really have anything amazing to write today. No big, philosophical post about Good Friday and what that means to me. Simply put, Easter Sunday is the most important day in the Christian year. Sure, Jesus' birth was a big deal. But we are not saved by His birth, but rather by the grace given us through His death. And that death is commemorated today with Good Friday. That's a huge, huge deal. So I'll leave it at that.

Last night we attended the Maundy Thursday service at our new church. We loved it! The fellowship and emphasis on service and Christ were amazing, and we met so many new people. We're really liking this new church and I look forward to the Easter service there this Sunday!

Don't You Hate Suspense?

In interest of not keeping anyone in suspense, I thought I'd let you know that we started a new cycle today. In other words, I'm not pregnant. I'm really okay with it. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I had a (few) good cries, I leaned on Brian, I ate popcorn for lunch. I drank some fully-caffeinated Earl Grey de la creme tea, and lusted after sushi delivery that I couldn't afford. I also had such a crazy day that I eventually was able to get it off my mind.

Please don't tell me you're sorry. I know, and I've heard that a few times today (and said it more than a few), and just really can't take it again. While I appreciate the sentiment, I'm really okay. We're committed to following God's timing, so we have to accept it even when we don't agree. He doesn't need us to anyway.

So why is this such a shock? Because of the evidence my body was presenting me with during this TWW. You may notice a new button on the right sidebar of my blog, linking to a site where I track my TWW symptoms. It keeps me from making anyone else crazy. Unfortunately, I just found it last week, so I still had a week before that to annoy the heck out of a few people. Now I'll have a place to put those thoughts without being so...up front? out loud? in your face? Whatever. It's over there, and it will be updated during each TWW.

Well, that's what's going on in my little world. I spent a good part of the day utterly crushed. Another good chunk being run ragged by the little creatures in my house. I'm exhausted, drained, and empty. So tomorrow has to be better, right?

Meanwhile, this has me feeling a lot better....

26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:

Who created all these?

He who brings out the starry host one by one,

and calls them each by name.

Because of his great power and mighty strength,

not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,

and complain, O Israel,

"My way is hidden from the LORD;

my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

31 but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:26-29,31

Please Pray

There is a blog that I have followed for a little while now. More specifically, I had read about Eva on one of the other blogs I read and recently checked out Eva's own blog. I just adored her outlook and spunky personality, and read through her archives in about two weekends. She received a double lung transplant a couple years ago because of cystic fibrosis, and has been in chronic rejection for some time. A few months ago, Eva posted a vlog saying goodbye to her readers and friends because she was told that she'd be passing very soon. She's lived for a while since then.

Sadly for her family, she passed away this morning. I know they had time to prepare, but it can't be easy to let her go. But she can breathe now, and is at peace. Please keep her family and friends in your prayers. Eva made a huge difference to a lot of people, raised tons of money for Canada's cystic fibrosis charities, and educated so many people about her disease and organ donation. Thank God for her life, her honesty, and her spirit.

Thank God...It's Friday!

This has been such a long week!! It's absolutely dragging by! Probably because I know that Brian has the weekend off and we have very, very little planned. Palm Sunday in "our new church" is the only given on the agenda. Oh, yeah, and some wrestling thing Brian will be parked in front of on Sunday...seriously, though, he's excited and that's cool. Anyone who is also planning on watching that and wants to do it in the comfort of our living room in front of the big screen instead of at BW3, call me! I'll try to arrange for some food if we get company. Incentive... I'm also going to try to convince him to see Alice in Wonderland this weekend. I need more of that 3D experience!!

You guys crack me up! Apparently there are doubts about my ability to keep my mouth shut for 12 weeks..... Of course, I'm the one having the doubts, but I digress. Seriously, though, you guys will know after our parents and siblings. Heck, some of our family reads this, and what a un-fun way to find out you're going to be an aunt or uncle? So after they know, you will. Not immediately, because I'm just way too....anxiety-ridden? I'm so afraid that when it does happen, it won't last. Irrational, but true. I won't make you wait 12 weeks. Though I'm sure I could keep that a secret if I wanted an aneurysm a challenge! That said, some of you know that I planned 80% of our wedding in the car on the way back from West Virginia the day after we got engaged... Can you imagine how fast I'm going to put that nursery together when the time comes?! Please. You'll be seeing pictures. Of course, I may be geriatric by that time, but whatever.

So, in response to comments from my last post:

Allison, I was reading the same blog you were. You sent me the link a few years ago, and I read through her entire archive. Then her little girl was born and I was so excited to "meet" her. And then, poof!, nothing. I can't imagine losing this outlet that way!

Samantha, your happy ending will definitely come! Maybe before ours! Have faith, girl! I know what you mean about Facebook pee stick photos. So...hard to see. My high school friends who are on Facebook and reading here have probably seen the newest announcement from one of our classmates. I am so happy for her. But also really jealous. I hate that feeling in myself, but there it is. Doesn't help that she literally just had a baby and then had her tubes tied. Obviously God wasn't through with her yet, but ouch for quite a few of us. Infertility seems to be rampant in our high school class, and I just wish more people knew to be gentle.

Anonymous, you need a log-in name. Or else I'll give you a bloggy name, and they are usually hokey. So getcha one. Rest assured, I'll totally be posting pee stick photos, ultrasounds, obsessive pregnancy posts on here. Are you kidding?! Otherwise I'll drive everyone I see every day completely insane. But not on Facebook. I really respected that you guys were discreet and thoughtful. Not secretive, just considerate. This blog is my own private forum, and if I wanna post "Hey, I'm Preggo!" posts every day, I'm probably going to! But on Facebook it just seems so....braggy? But no, there will be no belly photos anywhere. *shudder* I am way too modest for that, and seriously don't want to be responsible for blinding 10 or 15 people. Maybe I'll find some stock photos online and Photoshop my head on.....

So, nothing is positive and I'm not getting my hopes too up for this cycle. But there's always next month, and the month after that. And, if my Mama is any example the next five years after that. But I'm hopeful. And always prayerful. Speaking of which.....

Thank God...It's Friday

Praises

Big P had his surgery yesterday and it went off without a hitch. He should be headed home any time now, and then his mama gets to try to keep an active three-and-a-half year old "calm". Pray for them both!

Brian has the weekend off! Yay!

The Bum had a scary call at work this week. Seems Cuz and The Godson attempted to burn the house down making French fries. Only the kitchen was affected, and it probably looks much worse than it is, but I'm sure it was scary nonetheless. Thank God, no one was hurt, the landlord wasn't angry, and the insurance should cover it.

Anonymous up there is going to be a mommy very, very soon. Please keep Mommies and Baby in your prayers! Yay!

Requests

Teachers all over the state of Virginia are facing the cold reality that they could lose their jobs because there is no longer any room in the budget for public schools. In some towns, entire schools are closing. In my mother's side of our immediate family alone, we have four teachers. Only two have tenure. Many of my friends face unemployment as well, and I cannot imagine how they are feeling over this. Losing your job for no fault of your own is just plain Not Fair. Please pray that they will receive good news, that money will be reallocated, and that children in the public school system will not suffer because of the ignorance of our government. Please pray that anyone who does lose their job will go on to bigger and better (and better paying, for that matter!) endeavors.

An acquaintance is facing some seriously hard times. Naturally, this affects their spouse and many friends as well. Please pray as led.

Anything going on in your life that you want to give praise over or need lifted up?

Two Week Wait via Facebook?!

I’ve been pondering this post for a couple of days. I’m in the middle of the dreaded “two week wait” (TWW), that time after ovulation before you can trust a pregnancy test. The two weeks when your body throws every weird symptom at you it can so as to mess with your brain. For two long weeks you feel as pregnant as you can imagine, and then a test crushes you fourteen days later. Good times, as you can imagine. So I’m ignoring this as best I can. Sure, I am. Just ask YaYa Princess how many texts she’s gotten in the past ten days. Obsessive texts. I’m so very good at ignoring it, I promise. Not.

So, anyway, an acquaintance knows roughly what our TTC schedule looks like. She’s privy to when my doctor’s appointments are, and can count. So she knows this is a pivotal time. She makes it a point to ask me routinely if I’m pregnant and what we’re doing now, like Clomid or TWW, or a period. She knows way too much about my body. But she’s positive and supportive, so it’s all good. But she asked me this week when I was going to tell people if/when I’m pregnant. Specifically, will I post it to Facebook Um… So it made me think. Granted, Brian and I have discussed it, and talked through our thoughts on “when and how to tell people” when it happens. Heck, we’ve been doing this since early 2008, so we’ve had time to discuss everything. Our kids are named already, for crying out loud. Just tell us what it is, and we can tell you who it is. Anyway, our parents will know pretty much instantly. My parents probably the day we find out, and Brian’s parents as soon as we could get there to tell them in person. Our siblings will get phone calls sometime in the first trimester. I have four friends who will know very soon, too, because I can’t keep a single thing from them successfully. Everyone else, my bloggy friends, the Internet, Facebook at large, anyone not in the above list? Pretty much after the first trimester.

What really made me think was the whole question of posting to Facebook. When a good friend’s wife got pregnant, I asked if they were going to post pictures of ultrasounds and such. She replied that they would not be doing that, out of respect for their infertile friends. How nice is that?! I think that’s just such a respectful thing to do for others and so empathetic of them. I am not bothered by other people’s ultrasounds, belly pictures, pregnancy talk, or baby photos. I’m not even really envious, just wistful for when it’s me. So I wouldn’t have minded seeing their bean in all his gray, fuzzy, ultrasound glory. But I know that many, many people would have been crushed. So we’ll be adopting the same mentality when I do get pregnant. No ultrasounds on Facebook, no constant “I’m so sick, whine whine whine” on Twitter. I will not be that stumbling block to someone else, causing them pain or envy.

However, while this has been a little bit of an “infertility blog” up till this point, it’s only been that because infertility has been such a big part of our lives. It’s something that I’ve dealt with in my head since I was 16. We discussed it long before we discussed marriage. We ran through 80 million scenarios when I was still on the pill. Since 2008, it’s been a constant focus for us at least monthly, if not daily. Who am I kidding?! Daily. But in reality, this is our family blog. It’s where we post pictures of the things we do when we finally get time off, where you see what’s important to us. With three siblings in three different states, it’s how we keep in touch and keep them up to date (hi, guys!). This blog will not end when I get pregnant. And, honestly, there will be ultrasound pictures and obsessing over the state of the pregnancy. No belly shots, as no one in their right mind wants to have that seared on their retinas. But there will be discussions of pregnancy. And probably baby pictures. Because it’s our family blog, and hopefully one day our family will be bigger than just two people and three cats.

Why do I mention this now, without actually being preggo? Because I know a lot of my readers are dealing with infertility, and I want them to know how it stands. I never, ever want to alienate you guys. I never want to offend or crush you. I thank you for all you’ve taught me, and for letting me tell you things that are way too personal to tell everyone else in my life. I want to be respectful of your feelings, but I guess I hope you’ll understand and stick around, even after the rabbit dies.

Now, I’m off to obsess about completely meaningless “symptoms” that I probably feel every month and just don’t notice until I’m focusing on them. Anybody got a stick to pee on?!!

Duh, Bloodwork

I totally forgot to tell you guys that my progesterone test came back just fine. It was a 15, whatever that means. It was 16 last month, so I figure it must be good. The nurse said "I guess you're just going to ovulate late in your cycle"..... Um, nope. I have a 32-35 day cycle so I ovulated right on time, thanks. Which is what I already knew from my 9 previous Clomid cycles. And which I've told them at every doctor's appointment since time immemorial. I've been late all my life. I will be late to my own funeral. If I hadn't been at the church by 7 AM the morning of my (3 PM) wedding, I would have been late to that, too. I was late being born, a little late walking, late starting this whole period thing, and late to get married. I'm late. It only makes sense to me that my ovulation (when it chooses to happen) should be late, too. *sigh*

Anyhoo, that's the deal with the bloodwork. Have a great Thursday!

Infertility Is...

As we have traveled (and travailed) through our journey (ha!) with infertility, I’ve learned a lot from the infertility blogs that I’ve read, and from our family and friends. While I do have to put myself on hiatus from infertility blogs on a regular basis, I am so thankful that we have not been alone through this continuing nightmare. I had a conversation recently with my mother about my blog, and why I choose to make such a private issue so public by putting it all online. Well, if one person finds the Lord, learns anything about their own infertility and what to expect, or is helped in any way whatsoever, then this has not been in vain. That may mean just helping someone who is not infertile to understand what the people around them are going through. Or letting someone several years into this rollercoaster know that they are not alone, either. As others have done for me, I will do for them. This post is in that vein….

Infertility Is...

…Depressing. There is no end to the feelings of failure, shame, and envy. Every Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or any other important holiday that passes without a baby in our lives is a kick in the teeth. Some days simply getting out of bed is too much effort. But we do it, so as to appear normal.

…Frustrating. To not be able to do something so simple is incredibly frustrating. We cannot do what our bodies were designed to do, and everyone around us can.

…Humiliating. Everyone has seen parts of me that should be private. Everyone knows intimate details of our sex life and feels that discussing them is totally acceptable. Our pharmacist is nosy. Our doctor asks questions that make me blush, and I am not easily embarrassed. There is no modesty in infertility. Even at our very thoughtful clinic, I am stripped from the waist down and given a sheet roughly a half yard wide to “cover” up with. My bare butt faces the door.

…Learning to laugh. A man who loves you when Clomid makes you grouchy and when you have to prop your hips up afterward will love you through anything. If you can discuss cervical fluid and peeing on a stick, he’s a keeper. If we don’t laugh at the absurd, we will cry over everything.

…Isolating. Even though over 10% of all couples in the US experience infertility, you may never meet or talk to another. None of your friends can fully understand, and your family my not try. When your infertility is all you can think about, they may not feel comfortable talking about it at all. Our infertility is never mentioned for the prayer requests at church. It is the elephant in the corner at every baby shower. In the waiting room of our fertility clinic, no patients make eye contact, ever. Infertility is not something you tell folks about unless you know you can trust them with your heart.

…A learning experience. Not many things give you the chance to learn to self-inject medications and learn words like hysterosalpingogram or ovarian drilling.

…Painful. Physical changes make my body hurt. Side effects cause aches, pains, and headaches. Injections and blood draws hurt, internal ultrasounds and hysterosalpingograms are very painful. Childbirth actually sounds like a cakewalk after some of this.

…Strengthening. If I can handle this, I can handle anything. So can my marriage, and my faith. Infertility is not for wussies.

…Taxing. “Trying” or “practicing” sounds fun, right? Try it for about two weeks and see how romantic you feel. Don’t forget to time it just right and to prop your hips up afterward.

…Disappointing. Every holiday without a baby, every month with a period, every new check up at the clinic because last month was a bust is a huge disappointment. Telling my husband we’ve failed again is miserable.

…Scary. Words like premature ovarian failure, premature rupture of membranes, incompetent cervix, and intrauterine fetal demise are terrifying for anyone to hear, especially when it’s your ovaries, cervix, or baby.

…Hope. Hope is new again each month, thank God.

…Expensive. Having to give up on your dream to have a baby or having to plan your baby around your credit line is just sad. Especially when you’re paying good money for useless insurance.

…All-consuming. If you don’t learn to stop and find other outlets, infertility will eat you alive.

…Unfair. 14 year old junkies have babies they don’t want. People who lock their kids in closets get pregnant all the time. Why can’t I?

…Eye opening. Many men will leave you when they find out you can’t have babies. The extra-awesome one will stay, look you in the eye and say “That’s okay.”

…Finding a way to trust God and His timing even when I am on the floor, crying and broken.

Still Kickin'

Hey, ya'll. We are still alive, I promise. I'm just currently suffering from a bad case of the Too-Much-To-Do-And-Not-Enough-Energys. My appointment with the guru last week went well, but I needed to do a repeat progesterone test today just to be sure that my ovulation was...wait for it...robust! Bear in mind that any doctor's appointment around here involves orchestrating Brian's schedule and the feeding and nap schedules of 5-6 kiddos. Yeah, I love to do that once a month, much less twice in a week. But it's worth it, right? Can I have a nap now?

I missed Thank God...It's Friday last week, I know. I'm occasionally a slacker like that, you may have noticed. Sometimes we don't have anything huge going on, and sometimes life is so crazy that it's Saturday morning before I realize that Friday is gone. Anyway, do me a favor and pray for Big P on Thursday. He's supposed to have his tonsils and adenoids out. Hopefully he'll feel better, speak more clearly, and snore a lot less once it's all done.

I hope to not be such a slacker this week. For some reason I can't just can't seem to drag it off the couch these days. Yesterday getting up and getting ready, going to church, having lunch with Brian, and grocery shopping (by 2 PM!) wore me out and necessitated an hour nap...and two hours of sitting around time.... If anyone sees my Get Up and Go, please send it home!

Baileys Basics News

There is new information on my business blog. Please pop over and check it out. It's what I've been working on that's kept me from here lately. I'm a bit sad. I will, however, be saving the vitriol that I have been spewing aloud for a few days and not post it all over the internet. As things change for my business, I'll probably be posting updates like this that ask you to head over there more often. If you subscribe to both blogs, you may be confused, but I hope not. I just like to keep my "business self" separate from our family blog. And, you know, the infertility stuff off my business blog. So when you see that ultra-cool logo up there, you know there's a post or something cool to check out over on my other site. Thanks!

Oh, and I'm working on a big, important-to-me post that has been rattling around in my head for a few weeks. I want to do it justice, so I've been a bit absent. Maybe this week, we'll see. Nothing life-changing, just close to my heart. Happy Sunday to you all!

Tuesday, Tuesday

Today, please take some time to pray for MadHat76's grandfather. He will be facing surgery to place a stent in his kidney today, and is scheduled to begin chemotherapy and radiation later this week. Please remember to pray for their whole family, actually, and not just today.

Many apologies to the folks who read my last post with baited breath or tears. I didn't mean to string you along or keep you in suspense. But look at it this way: that's exactly what I had to deal with in "real time". Imagine if my appointment had been on a Friday, like it usually was during our last round of clinic visits. I never got blood work results until the following Monday (or Tuesday!) afternoons. Kind of sucks, doesn't it?

Sorry so short today. I'm hoping to spend nap time working on new slings for On The Turtle's Back (go! shop!), and am working on a few posts in my head.... We'll see when they shake themselves out. Have a good Tuesday!

Friday Already?

Wow! It's been a week since I posted! Or rather, a week and a day. I had no free time to even think about posting this week, so be impressed that this is up today!

My doctor's appointment last Thursday was....interesting. I was pleasantly surprised by the change in my doctor's bedside manner; he was friendly and helpful, and didn't make me feel like a failure at all. However, my ultrasound showed no sign of ovulation. Dr. B and I discussed raising the dosage of Clomid that I've been on to the highest dosage they can provide. I asked about blood work, but he said it wouldn't make any difference. But I knew something was just not right. My body gives clear signs when it's ovulating, and they were all there this month. How could I be so wrong about my own body?! I asked Dr. B if the fact that I have a 35 day cycle and usually ovulate "late" around CD 20 would make any difference. He said absolutely, and I gave up some blood. But it was pretty clear that I had not ovualted, and that my body was no longer responding to Clomid as expected, no matter what I thought. I left the office and made it to the car before I burst into tears. I cried most of the way home, asking God why on earth this has to be so hard. I trust Him, but it hurts to get knocked down every month. And you'd think a nine month break would help, right? Nope. Not in terms of pain. Heading home last week it was as if my last appointment had been January, not May 2009. Hurts just the same as always. I spent the rest of the night incredibly depressed, feeling like a complete failure and feeling pretty much hopeless. I hate that feeling. How could I have been so wrong?

Friday I called the patient messaging service about a million times for the results of my blood work. It was testing for progesterone, which would be present if I had ovulated. The results were finally in around 3 PM. And I ovulated!! I was right! I did know my body, and it was working like I expected! If I hadn't been determined that I knew what I was talking about I would have gone home and been depressed and sad, ready to give up. I would have raised my Clomid dosage to an insane level unneccesarily. Thank God I stood up for what I knew to be right. I've been so glad to see comments from other women dealing with infertility, women with PCOS ("cysters") and other people looking for answers. I'm so glad we can come together like this in such an unprecedented way. Today I would say to you: know your body. Be confident that you know it best. Doctors are great, and well-trained doctors are a Godsend. But stand up for your body and for what you know to be right. Demand blood work and the respect that you deserve. Thank God Dr. B trusted my self-knowledge enough to order a simple blood test.

So now it's CD 2 and we're gearing up for another month of this craziness. I have learned so much from infertility. I'll post about it soon, I promise, but just know that it's a learning experience for sure.

For now, let's

Thank God....It's Friday!

Praises

Brian's bonus check came. Let's just say that God hears prayers, and He is soooo good. We needed help and all we could do was trust. Turned out pretty good!

Both of our spare rooms are cleaned out and look lovely. That makes me such a happier person, and it feels like our house went on a diet. Ahhhhhh.....

I am thankful for YaYa Princess, who is willing to answer my most disturbing questions and discuss the most bizarre personal aspects of our lives. Usually while at work. I love her and cannot image not having her to share a brain with! Rumor has it she's pretty darn good at her job, too. Top 5 or something like that.

Requests

On Monday, my Aunt Frances passed away. She was married to my dad's oldest brother, and she had been ill for a very, very long time. Please be in prayer for her family.

Aunt Margie, Daddy's third sister, was diagnosed with cancer Monday. I have no details on her prognosis or treatment, but I know it's not good.

Uncle Roy is Aunt Margie's husband. He was also Aunt Frances' brother (a brother and sister from one family married a brother and sister from another family). He's had a pretty sucky week. He could probably use some focused prayer in his time of grief.

Brian's family (mom, dad, and Nurse Baileys) are supposed to come down this weekend. However, they are also in the middle of a blizzard, apparently. So please pray that they can actually come to Virginia, and that their travels are safe.

Brian's life at work is going to get nuts for a while. Please pray for him and for everyone else there.

Heading Across The Mountain

I can tell that in the past nine months or so you've all just dearly missed hearing about all our reproductive nightmares. I know, I know. You just need to hear about periods, ovulation, cramps, and side effects. And whoa! The internal ultrasound details. I hear you, I feel your pain and longing. So, just for you, we're going back to the clinic in search of a baby. You know, so you can hear about vomiting, nausea, cramps, and birth plans. Sounds like a win-win, no?

Seriously, though, this is my first month back on Clomid. Or The Clomid, as I like to call it. Like The Heroin. It's currently day 26 of this cycle, and it's a bust. But we're cool with that, because it was through no fault of our own. I'll explain in a bit.

In case you are not completely versed in the ways of infertility and how one gets All Knocked Up Using Medical Science, lemme give you the run down. I'll educate folks, because I happen to know that my readership has doubled since the last time we were trying to get pregnant. You know, from two to four people now tortured by my drivel! It all starts (for me, at least) with 10 days of progesterone to start a period. Which worked for me this month for the first time since I was 17. Yay for small victories!! On the fifth cycle day, I started with 200 milligrams of Clomid. I take this nightly for 5 days (cycle day, or CD, 5-9). My fertility monitor starts asking for test sticks around CD 8 or 9, and this month went to "Medium Fertility" on CD 10. Usually that's closer to CD 16 for me, so this was unusual. My monitor usually goes to "Peak Fertility" and I typically ovulate on CD 20, and then go to the clinic for an ovary check via internal ultrasound and blood work around CD 22 or 23. Except for this month....when my monitor failed to move past "Medium". It's CD 26 and according to the monitor I haven't ovulated and am not close. Which I am pretty sure is wrong, based on what my body is telling me. So, I'm off to the doctor to be poked and prodded, donate some blood for a progesterone test, and see what's up. Unfortunately, I don't get to see our regular guru this month, but instead will see his partner. Who is a lovely doctor and very knowledgeable. With no bedside manner. I always come back from visits with Dr. Williams happy and positive, holding out hope that maybe I'm pregnant. From Dr. Bateman, I come back home and wait for my period since he's sure I'm not pregnant and a complete failure. You get the idea.

So that's the process. Now, why is it not our fault this month is a bust? Because our involvement in this process is limited: Take medications. Pee on sticks. Do the necessary actions on Peak Day and the day after. Show up for ovary check a week later. Lather, rinse, repeat. We were ready, willing, and able to do all of that....except the Peak Day part. Because the monitor didn't give us any heads up, and your chances of becoming pregnant by happy coincidence is somewhere around 30%, if I'm not mistaken. I think the problem is that our box of test sticks is set to expire in March. So maybe they're too old to do the trick. We'll try again next month with freshly-minted technology pee sticks and see what happens. We're not too upset, and we're not really disappointed, because if I ovulated then we're on the right track. Besides -- we'll get pregnant when God wants us to, and not a moment before.

This afternoon I'll be off to the doctor, across the mountain. It'll be a short, quick trip so I won't get to see Little Bro and Sweet Lizzy (hi, guys!). Hopefully I'll be coming home to put up curtains in our bedroom. Yay for making a house look like you live there....after two and a half years..... Anyway, by the time you read this, I should be in the car and striking out for Charlottesville. Brian will be staying with the kids - pray for him.