Thursday, March 25, 2010

Two Week Wait via Facebook?!

I’ve been pondering this post for a couple of days. I’m in the middle of the dreaded “two week wait” (TWW), that time after ovulation before you can trust a pregnancy test. The two weeks when your body throws every weird symptom at you it can so as to mess with your brain. For two long weeks you feel as pregnant as you can imagine, and then a test crushes you fourteen days later. Good times, as you can imagine. So I’m ignoring this as best I can. Sure, I am. Just ask YaYa Princess how many texts she’s gotten in the past ten days. Obsessive texts. I’m so very good at ignoring it, I promise. Not.

So, anyway, an acquaintance knows roughly what our TTC schedule looks like. She’s privy to when my doctor’s appointments are, and can count. So she knows this is a pivotal time. She makes it a point to ask me routinely if I’m pregnant and what we’re doing now, like Clomid or TWW, or a period. She knows way too much about my body. But she’s positive and supportive, so it’s all good. But she asked me this week when I was going to tell people if/when I’m pregnant. Specifically, will I post it to Facebook Um… So it made me think. Granted, Brian and I have discussed it, and talked through our thoughts on “when and how to tell people” when it happens. Heck, we’ve been doing this since early 2008, so we’ve had time to discuss everything. Our kids are named already, for crying out loud. Just tell us what it is, and we can tell you who it is. Anyway, our parents will know pretty much instantly. My parents probably the day we find out, and Brian’s parents as soon as we could get there to tell them in person. Our siblings will get phone calls sometime in the first trimester. I have four friends who will know very soon, too, because I can’t keep a single thing from them successfully. Everyone else, my bloggy friends, the Internet, Facebook at large, anyone not in the above list? Pretty much after the first trimester.

What really made me think was the whole question of posting to Facebook. When a good friend’s wife got pregnant, I asked if they were going to post pictures of ultrasounds and such. She replied that they would not be doing that, out of respect for their infertile friends. How nice is that?! I think that’s just such a respectful thing to do for others and so empathetic of them. I am not bothered by other people’s ultrasounds, belly pictures, pregnancy talk, or baby photos. I’m not even really envious, just wistful for when it’s me. So I wouldn’t have minded seeing their bean in all his gray, fuzzy, ultrasound glory. But I know that many, many people would have been crushed. So we’ll be adopting the same mentality when I do get pregnant. No ultrasounds on Facebook, no constant “I’m so sick, whine whine whine” on Twitter. I will not be that stumbling block to someone else, causing them pain or envy.

However, while this has been a little bit of an “infertility blog” up till this point, it’s only been that because infertility has been such a big part of our lives. It’s something that I’ve dealt with in my head since I was 16. We discussed it long before we discussed marriage. We ran through 80 million scenarios when I was still on the pill. Since 2008, it’s been a constant focus for us at least monthly, if not daily. Who am I kidding?! Daily. But in reality, this is our family blog. It’s where we post pictures of the things we do when we finally get time off, where you see what’s important to us. With three siblings in three different states, it’s how we keep in touch and keep them up to date (hi, guys!). This blog will not end when I get pregnant. And, honestly, there will be ultrasound pictures and obsessing over the state of the pregnancy. No belly shots, as no one in their right mind wants to have that seared on their retinas. But there will be discussions of pregnancy. And probably baby pictures. Because it’s our family blog, and hopefully one day our family will be bigger than just two people and three cats.

Why do I mention this now, without actually being preggo? Because I know a lot of my readers are dealing with infertility, and I want them to know how it stands. I never, ever want to alienate you guys. I never want to offend or crush you. I thank you for all you’ve taught me, and for letting me tell you things that are way too personal to tell everyone else in my life. I want to be respectful of your feelings, but I guess I hope you’ll understand and stick around, even after the rabbit dies.

Now, I’m off to obsess about completely meaningless “symptoms” that I probably feel every month and just don’t notice until I’m focusing on them. Anybody got a stick to pee on?!!


Allison said...

God I love ya girl :) And I think you have hte right attitude. I followed one blog (through an infertil friend) for a while and when the IVF was successful and she carried to term her blog litterally ceased to be. She even said on their one day that she just didn't know how to proceed. Not really 'fertile' but exiled at the same time b/c she was successful in having a child. I think it's good to figure it out now on how you want to proceed.
And I think it's hilarious you think you can't keep your mouth shut ;) xoxo

Samantha said...

You said you're not telling your bloggy friends until the second trimester- does that include us??!?! I HAVE to hear your happy ending so I know that mine will be following soon after!

I have SO many "friends" on facebook that post pictures of still wet pee sticks and I know that will never be me. I used to say I was going to wait until the first ultrasound to tell our parents and then 12 weeks to tell everyone else but now that I'm asked daily if we're pregnant yet I'm not sure how we'll do it.

Anonymous said...

As that friend who didn't post ultrasounds...that doesn't mean that I don't want to see YOUR ultrasounds!!! Seriously! You were so amazingly supportive and genuinely happy for us...and at the time I marveled at it because I couldn't imagine being so selfless and charitable during such a trying time. But the thought of your possibly being pregnant now makes me get it. Like a lightbulb going off I see the pure joy and bliss of the occasion and want to share in that with you and the world. I really hope that you and Brian will go for Round 2 of discussions and reconsider the merits of posting photos...including belly shots!!! If that means you start a 2nd, separate blog that I can follow, so be it. But PLEASE, please don't feel you have to go private for your readership's sake. I vote for photos and updates!!! ;-)